Moving Mountains

Let's Move on Already!!!

2011-07-05T16:55:00.000-05:00

Been seeing all the comments regarding the Casey Anthony trials verdict.
I have to say I'm very disappointed at all the backlash. If this were the Puritan era, this woman would be hung for witchcraft, regardless of her guilt or innocence.
What people fail to realize is that the system found her “Not Guilty”, which means she wasn't found guilty or innocent.
People, however, are quick to point out that by all accounts, she IS guilty.
How could she not be? She is selfish, self-centered, out partying and dancing with her daughter dead somewhere. She's laughing and carrying on when the camera is not on her and solemn only when the camera is running.
But was there any evidence that that conclusively make her the murderer?
During my divorce, my now ex-wife all but accused me of molesting my own daughter. Every vindictive statement she made against me was enough for the court to rule against me. I had to endure visitation under supervision for only a couple hours instead of an entire weekend. I was not allowed time alone with my children without someone watching over us.
I'm glad there was a system in place where I could take a polygraph test and once and for all dismiss the “charges.“
Casey was judged “Not guilty”. It's good enough for me.
To continue regurgitating the condemnation against her is simply callous and judgmental.
Aren't we Christians suppose to forgive? Yet what I see at every turn is everyone is too quick to cast the first stone.
At least one person on earth knows who murdered Caylee. He or she will have to answer for it someday.
...Move on.

Reflections

2010-08-12T03:54:00.000-05:00

Today is my birthday.
I know I should be excited and jubilant...but in the grand scheme of things, I don't know how to approach the rest of today.

I do have on thought for today though...and that is I am not going to tell anyone that its' my birthday.
I've developed this warped mentality that true friends and those who care a great deal about me will set themselves apart from mere acquaintance by reminding me what today is.
People forget things --- I understand and accept that --- but true joy comes from knowing that you've made an impact on one person's life that they'd care enough to remember your birthday.

So maybe today is a day of reflection --- to gauge where my life is at in this short lifetime.
In the movie “It's a Wonderful Life”, Clarence Odbody was a second-class angel for over 200 years before earning his wings. All it took was to show a world without George Bailey.
It's a funny thing, but I sometimes wonder what this world would be like without me in it. When I look back at my greatest accomplishments, I often feel I haven't done my very best, that I've been teetering on failure.
Maybe that's why I'm content to quietly let this day go by. Maybe I'm waiting for a Clarence to remind me of my life, to give me a nod of confirmation that “No man is a failure who has friends.”

My Portion

2010-08-09T22:58:00.000-05:00

It's been a while, but for some reason tears started to come out of my eyes while driving down a stretch of road with a beautiful sunset ahead. I had to pull to the side of the road because I couldn't stop crying. I had been at my father-in-law's house.

I suppose I was crying because he is about to pass from this life and I don't quite know how to handle it. I've always been told that a loved one's passing is a celebration, that they leave this earth for the promises of heaven and eternal life.
We should rejoice for them, and rightly so.

This wonderful loving man, husband, father --- lived a good Christian life. No one is more thankful than I for having lived this lifetime knowing him, loving him.

As he lay on his bed, barely breathing, he is surrounded by the people closest to him --- his beautiful , loving wife, children, grandchildren, me.

I suppose I'm crying because I'm being selfish...what I would give to relive the days he called me “son”, the times he put his arms around me when I was down, when he always knew exactly what to say. Mostly, I miss him saying --- “I love you, guy.”

For a man who didn't bring me into this world, he is the one I can call “dad” with all my heart.

I love you too, big guy.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

Smokestack

2009-10-08T21:01:00.000-05:00

I was driving in the rain today, admittedly in a hurry to get to my destination before they closed.
I was a little down because another work problem popped up that would require me getting stuck in this city rather than being home with my wife.
Nevertheless, I was very determined in resolving the problem to avoid missing my flight back home.
I was coming up to the city Power Plant when I looked up, smoke reaching several thousand feet in the sky, almost beyond the clouds.

Before the thought of "environmental pollution" reached my thoughts, I was able to see a distinct figure of a bearded man formed by the billowing white smoke.
In its sincerest form, it looked a lot like Jesus.

I said a mini-prayer thanking God for his Son.

When I got back to work, new part in hand, I was able to quickly resolve the issue that was going to keep me from being with my beloved.

I have to say, that God sure has a way on letting us know that no matter what, things will be ok.
Today greatly reminded me of how truly blessed I am.

... the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

Aunt Diane

2009-10-07T00:18:00.000-05:00

My daughter recently posted on her Facebook wall that she misses her Aunt Diane (who passed away recently).
I wondered... would she miss me as much if I were to leave this earth today? I realize that Aunt Diane had always been available for my children, that Aunt Diane always went out of her way to make sure that my children were cared for, that no harm ever came to them, to make sure that my
children got to see the airplanes, the fire engines, the dogs, their funny and fun-to-be around cousins, the birthday presents... How fun it was to be with Aunt Diane.
I realize too that watching my children grow, I have always felt like the man on the other side of a thick glass wall, seeing other people enjoy my children...but me. I try to get their attention, desperately knocking on the impervious see-through wall, but could never divert their attention away long enough to let them know that I was always there for them.
I'm trying to rack my brain remembering if my children ever came out for a surprise visit at my work. I can't remember a single time.
Yet in the pictures I have of my children, there are countless pictures of them in airports, on fire trucks and motorcycles, with Aunt Diane's husband in the picture.
Where was I?
My one and only excuse is a thin one. I was too busy making a living.
My children are growing up....fast.
It seems that Aunt Diane had a major contribution to their formative years.
Even though they will never know the countless sleepless nights I spent watching over them as they slept...
Even though they will never know how it pained me to reprimand them when they did wrong...the times that I missed with them because I had to work...that even now, how much I hate being away from them... Nothing hurts me more than to see my children in pain.
They will only be children for a short amount of time...thank God for that...
I can only hope that when I die, they will miss me at least a fraction of how much they miss their Aunt Diane.

I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." Luke 18:17

Can't Sleep!!!

2009-09-11T01:22:00.000-05:00

It's past 1 am.
I have to be at work in 5 hours.
By the time I get this posted, it will probably be past 2am.

...But still. I can't sleep.
I didn't want to toss and turn in bed, so I decided to get up and catch up on some emails.
For some reason, I started to do work projects.
To divert my attention from the work I had just completed, I decided to read some old posts.
I read "Cleaning out the Garage" and when I finished, I cried my heart out.

I'm not sad. I'm not remorseful or regretful.
But when I think about my children, all I can do is reach out for them.
Well...here come more tears...I guess I'll sign off for now.

God Bless.

Do unto others

2009-09-07T23:56:00.000-05:00

A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, 'Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'
The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
The Lord said, 'You have seen Hell.'They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one.
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.
The holy man said, 'I don't understand.'
'It is simple,' said the Lord. 'It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'

The human heart

2009-07-17T19:36:00.000-05:00

They say that "absence makes the heart grow fonder"... but I sincerely believe that the heart needs presence to nurture and care for it.

These past two weeks have been one of the most memorable times of my life.
I spent every waking moment with my children.
I was there when they woke up.
I was there when they complained, when they argued, and fought.
I was there when they laughed.
I was with them when they cried.
I was there when they called out for me to reassure them, comfort them.

But now they're gone again, back to their usual routine.
It's okay.

I know that when they come back, my heart will jump for joy at the very sight of each of them.

Another Father's Day

2009-06-21T14:19:00.000-05:00

Today is Father’s Day.
No big surprise there.
Not to discount all the great men out there who have raised wonderful and productive children, but for me I think this day is best used to honor Moms…No, not the Moms honored last month on Mother’s Day…I’m referring to Step-Moms.

I took my family to church this morning, greeted by all the church members who knew me, wishing me Happy Father’s Day.
As I shook outstretched hands and returned hugs, I couldn’t help but look at my wife…Poised, calm, keeping my two young children in tow --- holding the youngest one on one hand, with her other hand on the older one’s shoulders.
She is not the mother of my three children.

As I think back several months before we married, I can see a petite, beautiful, vibrant woman with no baggages… so full of joie-de-vivre.
When she married me, she became an instant mom.
Today, as my wife stares blankly outside the kitchen window, she can’t help but hear the two boys argue about the video game and my daughter blaring her Jonas Brothers songs.
I wonder what she’s thinking about.
Could she be thinking how quiet her single life was?
Could she be wishing for something else?
Could she be wondering if she made the right choices?

They say that “behind every good man is a great woman.”
Whether it be the first wife, the second wife, or the 10th wife…that saying is ever true.
I have to admit, I don’t deserve her.
She has her own struggles she had to deal with, but I’m very lucky that a wonderful, caring, beautiful, unselfish woman loves me enough to take me as I am --- baggages and all.

Happy Father's Day,
More importantly "Happy Step-Mom’s Day."

Note to Self - Revisited

2009-06-16T22:30:00.000-05:00

This is from an old post.
When I was little, my great-grandmother always had a way of making me feel secure when I felt the need for a security blanket.
Now that I'm an adult I still need and look for that sense of security and a reaffirmation to my belief that things will turn out okay.
This post provides just that ever-present blanket.

I know that you are having difficulty reconciling to the fact that you have to take a detour before reaching your goals. And because of this, you have felt slivers of resentment and disappointment that sometimes have caused you to spiral down to bouts of sadness and sorrow.

I guess the reason why I am writing you now is because I want you to know that there are no unanswered prayers. When you think that God has been silent, his silence in itself is the answer. It doesn’t mean that he has forgotten all about you. All He wants you to know that it is not time yet. You have to realize that you are not limited by your failures but only by your fears. There is so much to claim, so much to discover and so much to conquer. Think positive and let go of those fears. One day, you will be living your dream.

I know at times that the challenge of everyday takes its toll on you. You have to remember that you only have to raise your face to the sky and bask in that silent appreciation of life. That somehow, your soul's yearnings are prayers in themselves, beacons that soar to the heavens to float gently into God's loving hands. And with that, I guess this goes to say that you should never forget to pray. A lot of things in this world happened because of prayers. Oh yes...good things, great things, and small ones, some unseen and some unnoticed, but still brought on by prayers. I have always believed that the powers that be are always there to nurture our dreams, to take care of us and to keep us safe. That somehow, as we go through life, these prayers envelope us and bring us safely to our place in the sun. Believe in the power of your prayers.

Along the way, you will meet a lot of people. Different kinds of people with different backgrounds. Some maybe similar to your own and that is an opportunity for friendship. But others have been given a different hand and that is an opportunity for kindness. Never pass up the chance to be kind to someone even if you think kindness is not deserved. It is not for you to judge. We all deserve kindness. Including you. You have to know that you have to be kind to yourself too.

Forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made, for the failures that you could have dealt with in a different way. In the same way, forgive others too. Forgive them for hurting you, for betraying you, for giving up on you, for causing you pain. Forgive them until you feel raw inside. It is the only way you can be liberated from disappointments and resentments. Above all, forgiveness frees your soul from the shackles of hatred. And when you become free of hate, there is nothing left but love.

Allow yourself to love, to believe in love. Allow others to love you and get lost in that wonderful feeling of love. I understand your fears that if you love, you are open to pain and sorrow. Love regardless. It is only when you know pain and sorrow that you truly loved. And it is only when you truly loved that you truly lived.

Remembrance

2009-05-23T11:52:00.000-05:00

The top 5 Memorial Day weekend activities in Texas include the Kerrville Folk Festival, Fredericksburg Crawfish festival, the National Polka Festival in Ennis, Luckenbach’s 150th Birthday, and the Cowboy Capital Pro Rodeo in Bandera.

Californians will enjoy the Garden Grove Strawberry festival. Some will dance the night away at the Cajun Creole Music Festival. Still yet are the Greek Festivals, the annual Topanga day Country fair, the Annual Memorial day Street fair, and the Patriotic Memorial Day programs at the Forest Lawn.

The rest of the country will probably sit in front of their tv’s watching the Indy 500, or the NBA playoffs, maybe even watch College Baseball and Softball championship series games.

Some will barbecue in their backyards, inflate those rubber swimming pools and splash around with family members. Some may even take a much needed mini-vacation away from familiar surroundings and the demands of work.

Still, many people will see Memorial Day merely as a three-day weekend.
It is so much more than that.
It is a day that has been set aside to remember those who gave their lives for our country, who gave the ultimate sacrifice for the freedoms we enjoy.

William Roseman, a small town mayor, couldn’t have said it better.

“We have a job - and it is to remind those who do not remember . . .

That it is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us the Freedom of the Press.

It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us Freedom of Speech.

It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who has given us the Freedom to Demonstrate.

It is the soldier, not the preacher, who has given us the Freedom of Religion.

It is the soldier, who serves beneath the Flag, who salutes the Flag, whose coffin is draped by the Flag, who allows the PROTESTER to burn the Flag.

It is the soldier, not the politician, who has given his blood, his body, his life, who has given us these Freedoms.

And it is the soldier who has given us the privilege to sleep safely in our homes and to hold our children warm within our arms.

It is the greatest crime that it is only war that brings peace and it is the greatest sacrifice that men and women were struck in the prime of their lives so that we might enjoy such freedoms.
It is for we the living to prove that we are worthy of their sacrifice through dedication toward this hard fought peace that was purchased by these honored dead.”

Have you thanked a soldier or their families lately?
God Bless.

Sunrise/Sunset

2009-05-17T03:01:00.000-05:00

I was trying to recharge an almost depleted battery for one of my generators yesterday when the thought came to me. What is my goal in life? What is my dream? The battery had been charging for only a few minutes, so I had some extra time to devote to pensive thoughts.

So many events have happened in my life these past couple of years and the one solid thing in my life that’s given me the inspiration to see above myself suddenly occupied my thoughts. As I checked the charge on the battery, I remembered the day my sister in law Diane found out the seriousness of her cancer. She wasn’t given very much to live, yet here she is almost three years later, she’s seen her youngest son graduate from college. And God willing, she will be there when her son got married. These were goals she set for herself. Her source of strength --- the love she has for her son.

Diane may never know it, but she’s been a source of strength for me.

One of my prayers is that my children will always know, deep down in their heart, that no matter what --- I will always be there for them, that I value every single moment with them, that I love them no matter where they are or what they do.

Whenever I feel like my spiritual, emotional, and physical batteries are starting to run low on power, Diane’s story is the plug on my spiritual charger.

Because of Diane, I am constantly reminded that because of the power God has for me, not only can my batteries be recharged – God can do immeasurably more than I think is possible through me, through Diane, through His church.I can only wish that the situation between us were different, but things do happen for a reason. God has a bigger plan for Diane. Even if it means I have to be the one standing at a distance, I’m okay with that.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Eph. 3: 20-21

Moments

2009-04-29T00:49:00.000-05:00

Last week, I took out $200 that I was going to use for some personal purchases. However, when I arrived at the appointed place and having viewed the entire inventory of electronic items I absolutely no need for, I spent only $2 on a used book.
As for the rest of the cash, I am still wondering why I didn’t just put it back into my checking account.

I was walking towards my car one evening when a young lady in her tweens approached me asking for donations. When I asked her for which institution the donation was for, she promptly replied with “St. Jude’s.” But when I asked her which chapter she belonged in, she couldn’t give me an answer.
I responded with “Sorry, I don’t even have any cash with me” then left with conflicting thoughts. Indeed I had lied. I had just taken out a stack of $20 bills that I was going to use for some personal purpose. I could have easily given her one of the bills, but I realized that a young lady her age wouldn’t be going door-to-door. Nevertheless, I still felt bad… I managed to keep my $198 in my pocket.
When I got to my van, my stomach decided to complain to me - $19 on sushi and Chinese food.
After I left the Chinese food place, a well dressed gentleman gave me a sob story of how his vehicle had broken down a few blocks away and needs a few dollars to get it towed to a shop nearby. $25 attached themselves onto the gentleman.
This Sunday, I think I may have placed two of the bills into a donation box for a young family who had lost their father/husband. Two of the bills went into the collection plate.
Tonight, I bought a used cell phone for $70 from a young couple with a small child. Of course, it turns out that the phone can’t be activated because Verizon shows the phone as being stolen.
Once again, my stomach grumbles at me for the little attention I gave it. As I reach for my wallet to pay for the food… Not enough cash!

I’m extremely disappointed that the phone doesn’t work. But I figure, that couple could probably put the $70 to better use. I called them back to tell them that the phone doesn’t work… Of course, I’ve yet to get a return call.

It’s ok, I suppose.

…I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13

Accountability

2009-04-21T00:19:00.000-05:00

A very long time ago, three men were thrown into a fiery furnace because they stuck to their beliefs. They didn’t get caught up with the current times and faithfully obeyed their God. And with no one to stand with them much less plead their cause, they faced ignominious death during a time when the rest of land is caught up with trying to fit in.

Understandably so, the people were so conflicted that they were caught up with keeping their lives. The great king at the time could have turned any trivial idea into law and it would have to be followed, else those who disobey will die.
The problem is, none of these human-made laws are God’s laws, and often go as far as going against Godly ideals.

Last night, I watched as a beautiful young lady listened to a very basic question “ Do you think every state should… [legalize same sex marriage]? Why or why not?”

Her response was received with a mix of applause and boo’s “I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman…No offense to anybody out there. But that's how I was raised and that's how I think that it should be between a man and a woman."

She didn’t win the contest.
In addition to her loss, the judge who posed the question later was interviewed and attacked her.

…last I looked, homosexuality is a sin.

I admire that this woman stood by her values.
I’m sure that as she answered this ridiculous question, her parents could not have been more proud to have raised such a strong ethical woman.
Imagine how her parents must be feeling right now as they watch a video of the judge – this gay man who has nothing good to say.

I’m shaking my head at the thought of raising my children in a world where it’s ok to “fit in”, where the “me” is more important than the common good…where a gay man can go bash Godly beliefs on national television and be applauded.

To answer an old cliché, rather than asking for world peace, I would ask that Hollywood stay out of politics, that all news media stick to reporting --- not shoving their agenda down our throats.
Leave politics to the politicians.

Heroes

2008-11-11T22:31:00.000-06:00

I once heard of a gentleman in Virginia who routinely spends an entire day on a patch of grass atop a public hill with his son. Together they would spend the entire morning, noon, and even night together sleeping on the very same patch of grass.

On this particular day, the gentleman brought his lawn chair, his sleeping bag, a book, food, and umbrella --- apparently ready to spend the day again with his son.

Today, however, passers-by kept interrupting his visit , asking him questions, introducing themselves to him. He wished they would just leave him alone. He had devoted this entire day with his son, not entertaining people who walked up to him. Nevertheless, he was able to read the book he wanted to read, relate the story he wanted to tell, open the album of pictures of his son from birth to the first steps he took, through his first days of school.

By nightfall, as he prepared to sleep on that patch of grass with his son, concerned passers-by notified the local authorities. He didn’t care. He was only keeping the promise he made to his son. This was his son’s time. Nothing else mattered.

In the past, the gentleman hadn’t spent enough time with his son. He was always too busy at work, making a daily living to provide as best he could to the family. Time seemed to fly as the son grew into an independent young man, trying to make a name for himself, no doubt partly to get his father to notice him. So the son joined the military, finding himself in the middle of an unpopular war.
Soon, the son returns home, having received a newfound respect from his dad. Things couldn’t have been better between them.

Tonight however, dad can’t hold back the tears as he curls up next to his son.
For as much as he wants to put his arms around his son, he can’t. He wishes he could have those times back when he could have run home from his busy job and tell his son how much he loved him, but those times are passed. Now, he can only hold on to the memories he barely remembers --- memories of a disappointed face, a sad smile of a little boy he left as he dashed out of the house to work.

Now the only physical thing he can hang on to are the grass he’s curled up on and his son’s name on the headstone laid atop the patch of grass he was laying on.
Now all he remembers are the uniformed gentlemen at his front door, the emotion on his wife’s face as she falls prostrate to the floor as she ultimately knew the message before it could be delivered. Their son had died in battle.

Today, as we commemorate our veterans, let’s also keep those our veteran’s left behind in our prayers.
God Bless.

The Magic Book

2008-11-05T01:33:00.000-06:00

In church this past Sunday morning, my youngest son sat eagerly in one of the few pews left that we could find and immediately looked for a bible. He took mine instead and began to open the pages at the same time pointing to my bible and telling me...

“It’s the magic book, daddy”.

As the song-leading began, my son stopped at a page on proverbs and began to speak in his childish tongue, while pretending to read the text. I looked at the page he was pointing to and read the passage to myself:

“He who ignores discipline comes to poverty and shame, but whoever heeds correction is honored.” Proverbs 13:18.

I realize that in today’s society, this text can be interpreted by many different people in a variety of ways. From what I was feeling that day about all the biased political forecasts I’ve had to regurgitate from all forms of media, I may have somehow interpolated a form of political agenda into the actual meaning of the text.
Shaking the visions of fireworks left by the political goings-on in my head, I bent over to my son and read the text softly in his ear. When I finished, he looked up at me with an “Ahhh” expression as if he understood it.
“Oh, but wait…” I said, opening the bible to another passage.

Then he said to them, "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's." Matthew 22:21.

My son’s response to me was “Daddy, you’re weird”

For the past few months, I’ve heard on radio, saw on tv, and read on newspapers and magazines anything and everything about this presidential election. Throughout the whole process, I’ve developed my own opinions about each of the candidates, but despite all the negativity I’ve seen and heard, I’ve always been respectful of the political process.

I don’t know what the future holds for this country, nor can I predict what direction an openly socialistic single-party government will take. I do know that for my part, a form of “rendering to Caesar what is Caesar’s” will no doubt become a mandated mantra necessitating a stricter form of discipline on my part in my financial activities.

At any rate, my son, my youngest son had made me realize that as we Americans embrace the winds of “Change” we will have to face ahead, I've had to turn to the Magic Book for guidance and understanding. I’ve no doubt that some --- if not most --- of us will be doing the same.

God Bless.

Fireproof

2008-10-20T00:40:00.000-05:00

Someone from church told me today that a long-time friend had recently died.
His death was so quick no one saw it coming. He said goodbye to everyone at work one day and was gone from this earth the next.
John’s life story was illustrated into a brief synopsis of how either he or his wife Carla would sneak out of bed each morning to see who could pour the first cup of coffee as the other slept soundly in bed.
More often than not, Carla would beat John downstairs and let him sleep long enough to make a fresh pot of coffee.
Carla would then pour herself a cup, then sit on the table, banging her teaspoon against the side of her cup endlessly until John became so irritated that he had to get up to make her stop.

As I heard this story, I couldn’t have imagined putting up with the noise while trying to squeeze in a few more minutes of sleep before getting up for work.
My life has become so routine that it’s all my mind can handle to get up, force myself out of bed, get dressed, climb in my car, then get myself to work.

But John put up with it. Sometimes he got to be the first one up --- sometimes he got to be the one banging on the side of the coffee cup. I guess I can imagine it was Carla’s way of telling John how much she loved him.

Later that afternoon, I saw a movie with friends. The movie was titled “Fireproof”
The storyline was about a couple who were having so much marital issues that they were on the verge of divorce. The issues the couple faced paralleled those of the same issues I faced during my divorce that it was scary. The only difference was that they were able to save their marriage. I failed to save mine miserably.
…. Or was it that I didn’t try as hard as I should have?

I can’t imagine what Carla was feeling when she got up that one morning, pouring herself a cup of coffee, waiting for her beloved husband to come down the stairs knowing he was never going to appear.
… but every morning, she sat down and banged her teaspoon against that cup.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. Ephesians 5:25

Airport Arrivals

2008-07-27T16:59:00.000-05:00

I had to pick up a friend from the airport one day.
I grumbled, of course, since I had plenty of things I had to take care of and giving up my time, gas, and mileage were never high on my altruistic list that I devote to friends. Nevertheless, my sacrifices are never short of spiritual lessons from which I have always been the most willing of beneficiaries.
Have you ever had to wait for a friend or a relative at the baggage claim? I endured close to two hours of it as I waited for my friend’s delayed flight. So to pass the time, I tried painting a picture of the events happening in front of me.
Over to my left, a well-dressed elderly gentleman took the escalator down to stand next to the stationary baggage distribution system. I imagined him holding a paintbrush dipped in the color green, no doubt he’s rich and looking around for his driver.
To my right, two women (probably sisters) greeted each other with screaming laughter as both are incredulous that they are actually standing on the same patch of concrete. I smiled as I pictured them sword-fighting with red paintbrushes.
I saw various mixtures of people, families and friends, greeting each other with smiles and hugs, laughter and tears, with emotions running at full throttle. I imagined hundreds of wet paintbrushes dipped in rainbows of colors flying left and right. I had to stop and wonder if I had taken anything that day that could affect my mental condition.

There was, however, a scene happening in front of me that really grabbed at me with an undeniable resistance. It tugged my heart so strongly that I was unable to put a color to it. Two small children ran to a distinguished-looking gentleman, but there was a sadness in him that didn’t go away despite two beautiful children running to him, yelling “Uncle Matt, Uncle Matt!!” He scooped up the small children in his arms with their mom and dad not too far behind. The children's mom was also very happy to see “Uncle Matt”, but the dad was several steps behind her, seemingly reluctant to etch himself into the picture.
As Uncle Matt placed his nieces down, he directed his sight to the children’s dad. The two gentlemen stood silently for an eternity and I could only imagine what conflicts they’d had to battle through to reach this moment…
Then, as I felt tightness in my heart and wetness in my eyes, I saw tears on both the gentlemen’s eyes once they approached each other, hugging and sobbing with restless abandon. The children and their mom joined the two each member of the family hugged each other in silence. Finally, I was able to picture paintbrushes dancing around them, dipped in thousands of colors while dancing to a melodic aria.

I will never know the true story behind the scene I experienced that day, but for sure, I’ve come to accept that the things I’ve had to endure in this lifetime happened for a reason. I can’t control the things that happen in my life and when it comes to forgiveness, I can’t afford to just talk the talk. I can’t afford to harbor what’s happened to me in the past.
Without forgiveness, the pictures we paint are devoid of any color.
I say grab as many paintbrushes as you can and paint with every color imaginable.

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37

Thoroughly in Awe

2008-07-21T23:34:00.000-05:00

For as long as I’ve lived in this tiny one bedroom house, I’ve diligently performed my duties in maintaining the 5-acre lot for my sweet 91 year-old landlady and her two 50-something daughters. It is a task I am more than glad to perform as they had become the constant rock that I could lean on during the tumultuous times in my life. My house is on the same property as the main house.
I am always invited in their home and they’ve accepted me as part of the family. There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for them. Whenever I came over, I’ve always given my sweet Marguerite (we call her Granny Skeet) a hug whenever I came by and then again before I left. Each time I visit her house, I am always greeted by the warmest and kindest smile.
One day, the movie “National Treasure” came up for discussion, and the topic of the factual nature of the story of Charles Carroll became the hot topic. As it was described in the film, Charles Carroll was a Freemason when in fact, his Catholic religion would not have allowed him to join Freemasons at the time unless he was a secret member, which would have been very unlikely.
Further discussions described Charles Carroll as the oldest living signatory of the Declaration of Independence. His grandfather was an Irishman who emigrated from England to America and became one of the richest and most influential men in America.
He served in the Continental Congress, on the Board of War, through much of the War of Independence, and simultaneously participated in the framing of a constitution for Maryland. In 1778 he returned to Maryland to participate in the formation of the state government. He was elected to the Maryland Senate in 1781, and to the first Federal Congress in 1788. He returned again to the State Senate in 1790 and served there for 10 years. He retired from that post in 1800.
Charles Carroll was the last surviving member of those who signed the Declaration. He died, the last survivor of the signers of the Declaration, in 1832 at the age of 95.

John Carroll 1737 - 1832

At this point of their retelling of a great American icon in history, I was already impressed. However, it had never occurred to me until now that Marguerite Carroll’s late husband, John Carroll was Charles’ great-grandson. As l looked at the history that hung on their hallway walls, I was in awe.
…Wow.

Stop, Look, Listen

2008-07-17T22:46:00.001-05:00

I was driving on a road today when l noticed a train to my left going my direction.
I muttered a grunt as l noticed the extraordinary length of the cars connected to the engine, knowing l had to cross the railroad tracks two blocks away to get to my destination. The young lady to the right of me, however, had other plans. She was not going to wait for the entire length of the train and therefore zoomed ahead of me and barely made it in time to cross the tracks before the train crossed our street. I, unfortunately (and thankfully) had to endure the entire length of the train.
As l patiently waited, l noticed the round sign indicating railroad tracks. This brought me back to the days when the adage “Stop, Look, and Listen” were still the motto we lived by.

William Wordsworth, in his poem “The Excursion,” spoke of meeting a small boy holding to his ear a seashell “to which, in silence hushed, his very soul listened intensely.” Despite living very far from the seashore, the boy “heard murmurings” as he intently listened to which the boy “expressed mysterious union” with the ocean, resulting in “his countenance soon brighten[ing] with joy.”

Getting any boy to listen to anything in this day and age, whether intensely or otherwise, is a task best left to the experts. Even still, experts may not even necessarily offer any comforting word of advice to the most patient of parents.
Activity dominates most every single cell in their bodies, leaving a very small number to direct verbal commands to their busy brains resulting in the body’s difficulty to “Stop, Look, and Listen”.
Men, like little boys, also have a difficult time stopping. We don’t like to stop what we’re doing, simply because we just think that it’s just a waste of time. We don’t think we have to “Look”, since we already know what’s ahead of us. We have a great difficulty in Listening because as someone else is speaking, we’re already forming a rebuttal within our brain-housing group.
In the Old Testament days, the prophets who responded to God’s message had a difficult task ahead of them in delivering His message to the people. The people barely listened or half-heartedly accepted the message entirely, not to mention that they completely ignored the warnings, predictions, and the pleadings of the prophets.

In today’s society, we have the Bible, preachers in churches and on television, even gifted authors on every hand speaking God’s message. If we only we attentively listen to what God is saying, we will find that He is still offering “peace” and warning against “foolish ways.” And, like small boys with sea shells, our countenances will be “brightened with joy.”

Lessons from a Scorpion

2008-07-10T01:15:00.000-05:00

It's past 1 A.M. and once again I am unable to sleep. Egad.
To pass the time, I went online to browse some informational websites, read other people's blogs, and even went as far as deleting old emails.
Found one article about the Deathstalker Scorpion that piqued my curiousity.
Apparently, the Death stalker scorpion possesses one of the most potent venoms of any scorpion on earth. This scorpion’s sting injects extremely toxic venom (a neurotoxin) that can cause extreme pain, fever, convulsions, paralysis, and often coma or death in humans (by heart or respiratory failure).

Yet someday, we may have to rename it the Lifegiver Scorpion. Research has shown that the venom of the deathstalker contains chlorotoxin which attaches to certain brain cancer cells. While leaving healthy cells alone. If chlorotoxin can be used to carry radioactive atoms along with it to the cancer cells, those cells may be singled out and destroyed. What’s more, chlorotoxin appears to keep cancer cells from shrinking and moving, so the cancer can’t spread.

So when it comes to the Deathstalker, I would venture to say that the adage “what doesn’t kill you may make you stronger” could soon have a whole new meaning.
I wonder though if the chlorotoxin can invade the cancerous emotional cells and heal emotional scars. (Must really be getting late...I'm starting to get silly)

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-10T23:06:00.000-05:00

As a child, Huo Yuanjia was too proud to accept the idea that opposing clans have a better Wushu – or martial arts --- training than his clan. “I will show the other clans that their wushu is not as good as ours” Huo told his mother one day. He was so confident in his abilities that in his heart, he knew other fighting styles were no match to his family’s Wushu.

“My son, wushu is not just about winning” His mother told him. “The most important part is self-restraint and having discipline. Whatever happens, never forget to be the kind of person that you are. Wushu is to help you be strong so you can help others. The way to have a good relationship with all people is to understand that, and to give kindness to others and treat all with respect and honor. People fearing you and giving honor are not the same thing."

Huo’s pride and fearlessness soon blossomed and he became the greatest fighter in the land. No one could defeat him. His pride, however, got him in situations that were dishonorable and soon he was just fighting for the sake of fighting. Then one day, he picked a fight with a great master which lead to the master’s death. The master’s family retaliated and Huo would lose all that was dear to him.

In his grief, Huo found solace in his mother’s words.
As the western civilization began to influence the east, Huo fought with a higher purpose. His humbleness and strong spirit helped to greatly enhance the self-confidence and self-esteem of the Chinese people.

What an honor it is to remember our mother’s words of wisdom, to never forget their nurturing strengths as they help us realize our awareness of the world around us. It’s never without fail that they are with us every step of the way as we make our walks of life, each stroll we take becoming the adventure and discovery that forms our inner self. Despite all that we go through in life, Mom will always be that quiet and strong spirit that keeps us walking the right path.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.

The Prize

2008-05-07T00:12:00.000-05:00

I was driving into town this evening when l noticed that the vehicle in front of me had a very bad flat on one of the rear tires. I pulled up next to the driver of the vehicle with the flat tire and waved my hand at her, pointing to the rear tires. Once she finally acknowledged me, she immediately rolled up her windows then kept her eyes ahead, never again looking at my direction. I guess I can understand her unwillingness to respond. After all, I probably wouldn’t talk to any stranger in an empty thoroughfare either.
I became both disappointed and sad… disappointed that I was trying my best to be a humanitarian, yet sad because my efforts were for naught. I finally gave up and drove my vehicle at the other fork in the road, wishing her the best and thinking that there would have been no reward for me in my failed effort anyway other than to feel better about myself….yeah, right.

This got me thinking about a question that was asked this weekend… is heaven the reward awaiting us when our time here on earth is done? Are we to endure the hardships in this lifetime and look to heaven as our ultimate reward for our “good behavior?” …if this is the case, then l don’t think l’m being all the Christian that I can be.

Take the reality shows…there are so many of these types of shows on TV nowadays.
There’s the ever-popular American Idol where a number of hopeful contestants are bellying out tunes, enduring harsh criticism for a slim chance of winning a singing contract. There’s the Survivor series where contestants are eliminated one by one for a chance to win a million-dollar prize. There’s America’s Next Top Model, Oprah’s Big Give, Top Chef, Real World, The Bachelor, Big Brother, Celebrity Apprentice….the list goes on and on.
…The central premise of all these shows? … face the hardships head-on and endure long enough for a chance to win the prize. Even then, despite all their efforts, there’s no guarantee that the prize is theirs.

I’m pretty sure that I will never be perfect this side of heaven, but it doesn’t mean that I couldn’t try. I can’t afford to be satisfied with the way I treat strangers, my children, my boss, my family, my friends. I have to keep striving to serve them better. I will work on overcoming my weaknesses whether it involves controlling my pride, cynicism, or tendency to rip people apart instead of encouraging them. I will not be content to think that I’ve done all I can to repair damaged relationships, even if it means swallowing my pride in doing so. I will pray for the Lord to help me repair them and then do something about it!
Paul the apostle said that he wanted to become more and more like Christ. For sure, that will be my goal in this lifetime.
Then maybe the next time I take a trip, I can trust that the person trying to get my attention has nothing but good intentions.
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:14.

Forgiveness...Even if...

2008-04-20T09:34:00.000-05:00

I went out of town yesterday to look for a specialty shop.
On my way there, I had to take a detour through all the construction that was going on.
The detour took me to a dead end of the road.
Thinking I must have missed a turn, I took several other detours that all led me to cul-de-sacs and other dead ends. Frustrated, I retraced my path and drove several miles back and used another road.
In my frustration and muttering under my breath of what I had just experienced, other equally frustrating moments in my past came to mind as waves of bad experiences flashed in front of me one after another.
But then a song on the radio came on it seemed to remind me to not let past events eat me up inside… to forgive the past dead-ends and to allow myself to just enjoy the scenery in front of me…

These times are so uncertain, theres a yearning undefined and people filled with rage.
We all need a little tenderness. How can love survive in such a graceless age?
The trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness,
Theyre the very things - we kill I guess.
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us You know it doesnt keep me warm.

Im learning to live without you now But I miss you sometimes
And the more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought Id figured out I have to learn again

Ive been trying to get down to the heart of the matter
But everything changes and my friends seem to scatter
But I think its about Forgiveness.. Forgiveness..
Even if...even if...you dont love me anymore

We commit to the journey of forgiveness hoping for the best, but ultimately knowing that the only person we can control is ourselves. We choose our own path of forgiveness anyway, even when reconciliation doesn’t happen. Forgiveness is not just about the other person’s heart; it’s also about our heart and the anger and bitterness that we want to rid ourselves of.

Too often someone will have a moment when they are willing to forgive and they speak words of forgiveness, only to be surprised three days or three weeks or three months later when feelings of hurt, anger, and bitterness again well up in their heart. Thinking we’ve done something wrong in the way we forgave, we allow that moment to send us off the path of forgiveness down a dead-end detour.

Out of the Eclipse

2008-03-17T00:25:00.000-05:00

I was driving down a four-lane highway in Wisconsin late one evening deep in my thoughts, when l looked to my right and saw something that just captivated me. The moon was so bright that night that Lake Michigan looked like it was glistening with the setting sun's rays. I just had to park the car by the lakeshore.

When this song came on, the lyrics and scene in front of me made me wish I was somewhere still living out those fresh memories.

It’s a gentle touch, but more than enough

She can stop this ole world from spinnin’ too much

It’s a natural thing and I do believe

I found my reason to be.

I’m not the same man since she’s been around

There’s more to this life, I’ve suddenly found

I look at myself now so differently

It’s her love that brings me peace

Whatever it is, I’ll always be under her spell

She’ll always be all I’ll ever need

I could search the whole world

And I know I’d never find someone perfect as her for me

Suddenly it’s something you just can’t live without

You know you found love beyond any doubt

With a simple man’s words I can never convey

All that I feel when I say

She’s got a way with me

The Sparrow

2008-02-25T21:50:00.000-06:00

During my business trip to Wisconsin, I became so engrossed in my work that I had to tear myself away from work one Sunday morning so I could attend a church service.
In my rush to find the location of the church I had googled earlier, I was practically hydroplaning over the icy roads that led to my destination.
In my haste to glance at the map I had printed, I failed to calculate the intentions of the white dog at the side of the road. As the animal made its way across the street, years of indiciveness quickly flashed in my head as I once again found myself making a costly decision... maintain my course and hit the dog that was at that point in the middle of the road, or risk it all by swerving to miss it.

I swerved.

The vehicle I was driving made several pirouttes starting from my end of the street and ending at the snow-covered embankment on the other side of the two-lane road. Thankfully, there were no other cars around. But I was able to come to a complete stop without any scratches on the car or the dog.
Once I was able to calm my nerves, I rolled down my window and yelled obscenities at the dog. It looked at me as if to say "Dude, you alright?" before going on its way.
I was several minutes late to church and the preacher had already begun his sermon.

As the preacher read the following words to the congregation, I couldn't help but wonder who was more fortunate from the earlier events: the dog, or me...

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

"Let not your heart be troubled," His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

As I walked out of the service, I realized that I was the lucky one.
I realize that no matter what happens to me in this world, my faith will sustain me. It's interesting that Jesus chose the most common of all birds to teach a profound truth: in God's eyes, no one is insignificant, not even that dog.

Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him Job 13:15

The Gift

2007-12-18T00:16:00.000-06:00

There’s a bright glow emanating from your presence
I’m blinded by the way your eyes light up my world
You’re up there to be admired.
I’m down here, wearing my heart on my sleeve.

At this moment in time I feel safe;
I know that l have you in my life.
Your presence provides that security blanket that keeps me warm,
In its purest and simplest ways, I can tell you everything.

Even though your lips don’t speak to me;
Even though your hands can’t feel me;
Even though your eyes can’t feel the weight of my stare - - -
The picture of you gives me all the words and touch l need.

I can never imagine a love so real.
Eternal love emanates from every word you’ve said
You've captured my heart in so many ways.
It’s all l can do to embrace you in return.

Please forgive me if I'm not graceful or as eloquent
When it comes to showing the type of love you’ve shown me.
My only hope is that these simple words
Can change the way you see me

And for right now, I have you emblazoned in my mind.
For this moment, I have your love to keep me warm.
I can love you from a distance,
But in my thoughts you love me just the same.

I know that all my life I’ll stumble.
Down here, I’m as human as I will ever be.
But up there with you I know I’m perfect.
For now, I will patiently await the day when I can be with you.

A Parent's Prayer

2007-10-16T23:45:00.000-05:00

O Master, make me a better parent. Teach me to understand my children, to listen patiently to what they say, and to answer all their questions kindly. Keep me from interrupting them, talking back to them, and contradicting them. Make me as courteous to them as I want them to be to me. Give me the courage to confess my sins against my children and to ask their forgiveness when I know that I have wronged them.

May I never hurt my children’s feelings. Forbid that I should laugh at their mistakes or ridicule them as punishment. Let me never tempt them to lie or steal. Guide me hour after hour that I may demonstrate by all I say and do that honesty produces happiness.

Blind me to the little errors of my children and help me to see the good things that they do. Give me the ability to say the right word when honestly giving them praise when they do right.

Help me to grow up with my children, to treat them as children not as adults. Let me never judge them according to the standards of adult behavior. Do not allow me to rob them of the opportunity, to think, to choose, to make decisions, and to wait upon themselves.

Forbid that I should ever punish them for my own selfish satisfaction. May I grant them all their wishes that are within reason and have the courage to always withhold privileges that can cause them harm.

Make me so fair and just, considerate, and compassionate to my children, that they will have the genuine esteem for me. Make me worthy of being loved and imitated by them.

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4

Cleaning out the Garage --- Part 2

2007-10-11T02:19:00.000-05:00

I was finally able to get my house on the market with the help of a realtor and a promise of coming away from a major financial burden. I have spent this past week cleaning out the areas of the house that needed cleaning so I was rather proud of myself when I turned around to inspect my work.
I was happy with the way the house turned out until I opened the door leading to the garage. Oh my…
The last time I made an effort to clean the garage only served to transport me into the past, revisiting memories of happier times. They were great memories, but I was beginning to feel a stirring, a sense of longing for something that could never be again, so it was a welcome distraction when a stranger pulled me back to reality and nearly scaring me to death with a simple “hello”. I had left the front door open and the stranger wanted to look around the house. As I showed the prospective buyer around the property, I began to plan out my future without this financial burden.
There are so many things that I’ve always wanted to do, go places I’ve always wanted to go, see my family, see old friends…

…out of the blue, my stomach growled at me and instinctively, I thought of eating chicken for dinner….this then got me into thinking about not counting my eggs before they hatched….then still, I began to worry.
So I’m writing this, hopefully to convince myself not to worry too much.

There are two days in every week that we are told we shouldn’t worry --- two days in which our worries and fears would dare to impinge upon.
The first of these days is yesterday.
Despite all our joys and pains, the words that should have been left unsaid and the words that should have been uttered, our loss and our gains, yesterday is in the past. It has gone into that realm that we can no longer relive or control. It’s gone forever and no power on earth can ever bring it back.

The other day is tomorrow.
Tomorrow, all life will proceed just like yesterday and it won’t matter to the sun what happens. Tomorrow is full of promise, of hope and agenda. Many people are at this instant dreaming of the things they can accomplish in the days ahead. Tomorrow isn’t here yet, but still it’s a constant source of stress in our daily lives.

…then there’s Today…
Today is the tomorrow we were worried about yesterday. It will become the yesterday that eternally locks away our humanity when we’re living out the events of tomorrow.
Wouldn’t it be great if we can live today with the ones we love ---- free of worries of yesterday and the bleak promises of tomorrow?

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

Rusty Bolts

2007-09-09T12:47:00.000-05:00

I was trying to piece together two metal frames when I ran out of bolts. The decision I had to make came down to either going to the local hardware store or compromising the integrity of the structure I was creating by using smaller bolts that were readily available.
I looked at every supply bins I had but could not find the bolt of exact specifications. Then just on my way to the store, a bolt protruding from a metal frame that matched the one I was looking for caught my eye.
The bolt was badly rusted, but I figured it was still usable. I took every precaution to successfully remove the bolt including finding the right tools, brushing off the heavy rust, and spraying it with oil to loosen it from the frame.
When it came down to turning the wrench, the bolt would not turn. As hard as I tried, I was unsuccessful in removing it. I leveraged my wrench still with a metal pipe to no avail. Then, when I was finally able to turn the wrench, I found that I only managed to strip its head. To make matters worse, my knuckles scraped against the bare metal the bolt was imbedded in, filing down the skin. I remember letting loose a loud shout as I held my hand up in grief.

This little incident served to remind me of my own issue with repentance.
Am I so rusted that I’m stuck; so corroded that my own place in this world that it won’t let be back-out? I realize that God has a grip on my heart with such a tremendous leverage that a simple man like me should budge, so why has it been so difficult?
Couple that with the fact that if I continued on my path, I have to live with the fear of God denouncing me in much the same way as he threatened to denounce Korazin, Bethsaida, and Capernaum if they didn’t budge.
All the leverage in the world will never be able to turn the hearts of people with corroded hearts.
But if David can do it, I know there’s hope for me.
David had a man killed so he could commit adultery with the man’s wife. He then took every step to hide his crimes. But because his heart was tender, it was so easy for him to turn. He is truly a man after God’s own heart, no matter the depth of his sin.
God will still try to use as much leverage to loosen our rusted souls from the rut we are in, but if we don’t repent, I know God will walk away.
But if we do, life will be so easy, the sin goes away.

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

Floundering

2007-09-06T23:46:00.000-05:00

What is it about the ocean?
During flounder-fishing Saturdays, my dad and I trolled our tiny fishing boat out past the warning buoys towards the Atlantic in search of the “perfect spot”. It was during this time that father and son alike enjoyed the calm of morning stillness, the waves ferrying the countless specks of light from the bay area as they shone from the waves we created. Those Saturdays meant a lot to me, more so with the time allotted for me to have quiet times alone with my father than for the mere excitement of possibly catching fish.
Until recently, I have never realized how much value flounder-Saturdays has come to mean in my life. I would gladly endure the grueling ride out into the ocean time and again if it means spending one brief moment with my father.

On dry land, the world is ever-present. But out in the ocean, under the star-lit morning sky, you can’t help but wonder in awe at the magnificence of it all.
When you’re out there standing on the boat with arms extended to your sides, holding your face up to feel the ocean breeze upon your skin, you can feel God’s presence envelope you. There is that feeling of insignificance of living in an immeasurable universe, but out in the ocean, you feel alive, you feel free and if you stand there long enough, you can feel God’s hand on you.
Suddenly you’re overcome with a sense of reassurance, that no matter your troubles --- great or small --- you can always come to Him with all your troubles.

To a boy, complaining about seasickness while gliding over rough waters for the purpose of catching fish may mean very little and forgotten the next day. To a man, however, catching the fish is merely the perk. The real value comes from having endured seasickness and having endured the rough waters. These are values that last a lifetime, those that leave their mark on you that burn each time those bittersweet memories emerge.

"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." Matthew 4:19

Surely the Presence of the Lord

2007-08-09T17:43:00.000-05:00

Jacob, on the run from his brother, alone in inhospitable territory, settled down for the night with a rock for a pillow—hardly the most comfortable set of circumstances! But he had brought this situation on himself. We have no knowledge of his thoughts as he settled down for the night, but we do know that he could not have anticipated what happened. In a dream he was given a pictorial reminder that God and his angels are actively involved in the affairs of men on earth. The Lord told him in that dream that he could count on the Lord’s presence at all times and that the Lord had great plans for him that he was committed to bringing to pass.

On waking, Jacob exclaimed, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I wasn’t even aware of it”. It is not surprising that he was unaware of the Lord’s presence, because no doubt he was absorbed with his own schemes and anxieties. It took a dramatic dream when he was all alone to arrest his attention and focus his mind on the presence of God.

Amazing, isn’t it, that we men who think we know so much don’t even know the presence of the Lord at times? In our world there are so many distractions—far more than in Jacob’s day. The man who spends all his time amid the tensions and clamors of life may not be conscious of the Lord’s presence, particularly if he is carrying the cares and consequences of past actions. The man whose conscience is weighed down with his actions and whose life is burdened with the consequences is not usually super conscious of the Lord. But the Lord is present nevertheless.

We men need to find a quiet place where the Lord can speak the truth to us in love. If the only time he can arrest our attention is while we are sleeping, then we are probably too busy and our minds are too full of the cares and riches and pleasures of this life. But if he does arrest our attention, we will be struck with the awesomeness of the Lord. And then no doubt we will, like Jacob, respond with a refreshed commitment of service and allegiance to the God who was there all the time but we didn’t know it.

Then Jacob woke up and said, “Surely the LORD is in this place, and I wasn’t evenaware of it.” He was afraid and said, “What an awesome place this is! It is none other than the house of God—the gateway to heaven!” Genesis 28:16-17

Please Learn How to Park

2007-07-02T00:08:00.000-05:00

I consider myself a fairly decent driver.
I can drive a car through a narrow thoroughfare at 135 miles per hour to get to where I needed. I can pilot a Harrier jet safely around a flock of birds without getting one sucked in through the engines. I can maneuver an Abrams M1A1 tank through jungles of trees without getting lost and without running over a single tree. I can drive a Marine Corps HEMMT tanker/fueler safely through mountainous terrains. I can for sure maneuver an extended cab eighteen-wheeler truck with a 51-foot trailer in tow in a tight parking space and park it on a dime.
Therefore, it has taken me no effort to park my truck between two white lines in any given parking spot.
This evening, I decided to treat myself to a movie. I was already late to the showing as it was so I decided to park as closely to the ticket counter as possible. Unfortunately, the parking lot was full and the closest spot I could find was “crowded” between a truck and a car. The truck was riding on top of one line, while the car’s tires were about 3 inches from touching the other white line. Nevertheless, I determined there was enough space between the two vehicles so I backed into the parking space and was able to park my truck within the little space, centered between the two invasive vehicles.
I also made sure that my vehicle was between the white lines and that there was room enough for the owners of both vehicles on either side of me to get in.
When I returned to my truck after the movie, I found a hand-written note on my windshield. It said “Please learn how to park”.
I pondered about the note, then looked at the position of my vehicle in relation to the white lines designating the parking space. My truck was pretty much dead on center.
I looked at the note again and ideas of what type of person would leave this note ran through my mind.
The thing is, I’ve noticed a lot of people I know make decisions on certain things because of how they feel, that somehow they’ve been wronged and therefore they have to retaliate. I wonder how many of us think that yes, we are free to make our own choices in life and we can make decisions that are in our best interests…but how many of us think about the consequences?
Adam and Eve were free to obey or disobey God, but they were not free from the consequences of the decisions they made. Adam was given all the freedom to live in the Garden except that he was not to eat from the tree or he would die. Of course, God was disobeyed and this disobedience later manifested through generations. There were key marks left on the side of my truck. This was totally uncalled for. If those folks would have taken the time to look at the white lines on the ground and saw how they were parked, I wonder if their mindset would have been different.

Family Pressures

2007-06-26T00:45:00.000-05:00

On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, the crew of a Florida fishing boat plucked 6-year-old Elian Gonzalez from the Atlantic Ocean. The Cuban child was lashed to an inner tube on which he had floated for two days. The small boat in which he and thirteen other people were trying to escape from Cuba had capsized, and Elian’s mother and ten others had perished in the ocean. Once on dry land and cared for by relatives in Miami, Elian’s problems seemed to be over. But he soon became the key person in a massive tug-of-war that started between his father, who wanted him returned to him in Cuba, and his Cuban-American family members in Florida, who insisted that, as his mother obviously had wished him to live in America, he should be allowed to stay. Elian’s welfare sparked an international incident. Presidents became involved, flag-waving patriots demonstrated, politicians postured, and Elian learned how to wear a baseball cap backwards. Fortunately, not all family disagreements reach such proportions!

Centuries-old tradition required that Zechariah and Elizabeth’s newborn son should be circumcised as evidence that he had been introduced into the privileges and responsibilities of God’s covenant with his people, and the family happily gathered to witness the event (Luke 1:59). But trouble started when the topic of the boy’s name was introduced. The family insisted that he should be named after his father, Zechariah, who unfortunately had lost his voice during the spiritual encounter in which the announcement of the boy’s birth was made (1:8-20). To everyone’s surprise, Elizabeth insisted that the boy should be called John, and his father wrote his agreement on a tablet (1:63). And so it was, for this is what the angelic messenger had instructed (1:13).

John means “God has shown favor.” The significance of the unusual name, the remarkable circumstances of John’s birth, and the instantaneous recovery of his father’s voice were not lost on the family. They recognized something big was in the air, and so they asked, “I wonder what this child will turn out to be?” (1:66). What John turned out to be is history, but his parents’ courage and commitment to follow divine instructions played a major role in John’s development.

Parents should never underestimate the importance of their obedience to the Lord in the training and development of their children. Sometimes this requires taking a stand even against loved ones. What matters in the long term is not keeping the family happy but ensuring that the child knows that “the hand of the Lord is surely upon him” (1:66).
~SB

All Dressed Up With Nowhere to Go

2007-06-20T23:49:00.000-05:00

The phrase “All dressed up with nowhere to go” gained popularity when it was used by newspaper editor William Allen White to describe the downfall of the Progressive party following Theodore Roosevelt’s decision to retire from the presidential election of 1916. On the other hand, Cinderella had the opposite problem when all the single ladies were invited to the Prince’s ball. She was ready to go with nothing to wear.
The high priest of Israel didn’t have this problem. He was given specific instructions about the type of clothing he was required to wear as he performed his priestly duties. The priests were to be “set apart from the common people” and their primary tasks were to minister to the Lord (Exod. 28:1). The clothing made for the High Priest Aaron was so designed to distinguish him and to “show his separation to God --- beautiful garments that will lend dignity to his work (Exod 28:2). His appearance was not to be mistaken as to who he was, the one assigned to represent man to God and God to man.
The ephod and the chest-piece both were crested with precious gemstones on which the names of the 12 tribes of Israel were engraved. As the high priest entered the presence of the Lord on the Most Holy place, the Lord was “reminded” of his people.
In all actuality, the Lord didn’t need to be reminded of his people. He was ever present among them during the course of their journeys. But as in the Old Testament, the high priests were adorned to take the burden of the people to God, we in the present do not need to be represented to enter the Most Holy place through Christ His Son.
Aaron was all dressed up and he had someplace to go. He has specific tasks he had to do. Through Christ, we in the present also are dressed with someplace to go so long as we profess His name through faith and our Godly actions.

When my youngest son said ‘goodbye’ to me this weekend, I stretched my arms out to my sides and told him I loved him. He ran into my outstretched arms and I hugged him as tightly as I could, never wanting to let him go. My other two older children then joined in to form a group hug.
My outstretched arms reminded me of the One whose arms were open wide for you and me the day He was crucified.
My children are my inspiration. Because of them, I am constantly aware of my faith and that through Him, I am dressed with someplace to go.

What?!?!?!?

2007-06-06T00:00:00.001-05:00

I went out to eat tonight to treat myself out. It had been a while since I’ve gone out and made a conscious effort to enjoy the fruits of my labours. As I carefully weighed my options between the vast delicacies listed on the menu and the available funds meticulously nestled inside the confines of my billfold, I finally settled on a more familiar inexpensive dish. The first bite I took from the visually stunning presentation set the tone for the type of meal I was going to have. First of all, the taste disagreed with me and it was all I could do to quickly remove the items from the confines of my mouth and to wash away the uninvited encroachment of bad taste to my palate.
I told the waiter I wasn’t going to be able to eat the "stuff" and decided on a fast food meal.
On my way home, I decided to turn on talk radio. I had just missed Laura Ingraham and immediately my thoughts were invaded by my dislike of the person who immediately followed her --- I can’t even say the guy’s name.
As I turned up the volume on the radio, the sound of a woman on the phone conversing with Mr. Colmes discussed her position on our President’s foreign policies and her take on what a mistake it was to go into war.
The next words that I heard were from Mr. Colmes himself… I gotta tell you folks, comments like this make me upset (and I don’t get upset very often)…
…broadcast all over the continental US, this guy had the nerve to say “God made George Bush president because He knew 911 was going to happen...”

I quickly turned off the radio and fumed over what I had just heard. I can’t imagine what the troops who are out there fighting for the right for this idiot to have the freedom to say this crap must be thinking as they heard this. As a former Marine, I am proud to have served my country and my respect and allegiance first and foremost is to my country and my commander-in-chief. This is a slap in the face for the military…and from a civilian no less.
Unlike the food I had attempted to eat earlier this evening however, I cannot simply spit the stuff out. Unfortunately, I am forced to have to regurgitate this crap that the drive-by media is force-feeding us with.
What I heard tonight is by far the lowliest remark I’ve heard any U.S. citizen make about one of his own --- and not just anyone, the President himself.
Come on guys…play nice.

In Memorial

2007-05-27T12:45:00.001-05:00

During World War I, the U.S. suffered 117,000 casualties.
In World War II, 407,300 American GI's lost their fighting for the freedom of the world.
During the Korean War, 54,000. Vietnam: 58,209.
The first Persian Gulf war saw 382 casualties.
As of today, at the Iraqi / Afghan war, 3,435 American lives were lost.

There are those that made the ultimate sacrifices with their loss of body functions, sight, limbs, even suffering death. As I sat in the air conditioned auditorium surrounded by well-dressed people, I remembered what it was like in the trenches, to be out in the heat, wondering if I would make it back home on my own two feet or in a body bag. Many soldiers have come home to happy family members. Many did not.

As the congregation proudly sang the Star Spangled Banner in church, I could not with all my might finish the last verse as tears filled my eyes and tightness gripped my throat.
I would gladly trade places with one of our soldiers out there to allow him to spend time with his loving family, so that he may also see the appreciation we have for his sacrifices.

I don't know if I will fully appreciate what Jesus did for me on the cross, but I'm grateful for the life that I have through him. I also don't know if I will fully comprehend the sacrifices made for me to maintain my freedoms. But I am glad to have been given the opportunity to become a part of it.

Soldier, rest, thy warfare o'er,
Dream of fighting fields no more.
Sleep the sleep that knows not breaking,
Morn of toil, nor night of waking.
---Sir Walter Scott

Paid Forward - Part1

2007-05-25T18:37:00.000-05:00

After a hearty discussion recently with my landlord, the topic of how much she was paying to have her expansive property mowed came up. Trying to get the mower to come out had been a daunting task, even more so now that the yard needed some major cutting. I told her I could cut her front yard, for the time being. That conversation turned into she and I agreeing to go in together in buying a used riding lawn mower and I would be the one doing the cutting.

After assessing the time it would take to mow the entire property, I had come to a realization that I must be crazy if I thought I would be able to mow the lot with my little push mower.
Nevertheless, Saturday morning I was at their front yard as promised. It took me almost 2 hours to mow just the front yard, and I was exhausted. Taking a break, I went inside my house (also on the same lot) to get a drink of water when a couple of minutes later, I hear knocking on my door. It was a young man (I say young, he’s probably in his mid-20’s – but compared to me --- young) greeting me saying he wanted to show me something. I looked over his shoulder to his truck pulling a trailer; on the trailer was a brand new Cub Cadet riding mower, with Linda (my landlord) proudly showing it off with a huge grin on her face. Linda motioned for me to come over to check out the new “toy”.

Of course, I masked my glee with the casual “nice mower” – even though inside, there was a little kid jumping up and down. I let the young man make his speech on the proper operation and maintenance of the mower, then asked me to jump on board. I took the helm on my new mustang and happily rode off into the sunset (figuratively speaking)
I gotta tell ya, this baby was sweet!... Ahem!

At any rate, the euphoria of having experienced a half-day joyfully riding on a mower with “My Redeemer Lives” blasting loudly in your ears is something to behold. I was singing along at the top of my lungs without a care in the world (actually, the mower was loud enough that my voice was muffled by the rumbling sound)

But I think back (and with confirmation from Linda) my sweet little angel Marguerite -- Linda’s 93 year-old mom-- must have seen me sweating outside mowing her lawn with a determination that I was going to stick to my promise no matter what. Because of it, she saw it fit to reward me with a gift that makes me happy to do things for them, to help them as much as I could, and to be there whenever they need me.

…not to mention that riding the mower can be therapeutic.

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1John 3:1

"Uncomplicated" Vs. "Less Complicated"

2007-05-23T01:23:00.000-05:00

I couldn't sleep. Someone said something to me earlier and it's been the source of my tossing and turning. The topic was the use of the word "Uncomplicated" regarding life and the baggages we have to carry along the way. Is there such a thing as an "uncomplicated" life or are we merely in search of a "less complicated" life?

I'm sticking with "uncomplicated"

In hospitals, they use "complications" to describe issues that lead to health deterioration which may eventually lead to death if not properly treated. To me, "Uncomplicated" is just a word. "Less Complicated" then is just another version, but quantified with the word "Less". Regardless of what type of complications or how many complications a patient endures, extensive periods of discomfort, even death, become unavoidable if the complications persist.
I realize "uncomplicated" may be tagged with "totally devoid of complications" - which may be seen as Perfection. But are our baggages considered complications?. I acknowlege the value of carrying my own baggages because they're essential for my own personal and spiritual growth. My baggages are my own pills to swallow.
I know I can never achieve perfection in all that I do despite my best efforts. So in my journey, I've come to see that an uncomplicated life is within my grasp because I have grown spiritually and that I am alive in Christ.
My #1 goal in life is to be Christ-like. I know that can never happen; Christ was the only perfect being to ever walk the earth. However, if I live my life in service of others, putting others ahead of my own selfish needs and aspirations, living a life devoted to glorifying God, then the best I can hope for in this lifetime is someone announcing in my eulogy that "he was the most loving, caring, self-sacrificing, Godly man"...THAT to me is an uncomplicated life. After all, why would I want to become "Less Christ-like?"
Now, should God make provisions for me to have a life with another woman, then so be it. I accept it with open arms. After all, it was He who said "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (Gen 2:18)
If not, then I'm okay with that. But I will never stop carrying my baggages. I will not ever settle for a "less complicated" life. I have a lofty goal of an "uncomplicated" life.

To Realize the Values of Life

2007-05-18T10:59:00.000-05:00

To realize the value of a sister or brother: Ask someone who doesn't have one.
To realize the value of ten years: Ask a newly divorced couple.
To realize the value of four years: Ask a graduate.
To realize the value of one year: Ask a student who has failed a final exam.
To realize the value of nine months: Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.
To realize the value of one month: Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of one week: Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value of one minute: Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize the value of one-second: Ask a person who has survived an accident.
To realize the value of one millisecond: Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.
To realize the value of a friend: Lose one.

Time waits For no one. Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when you can share it with your someone special.

My Biggest Fears...

2007-05-17T06:47:00.000-05:00

I feared being alone until I learned to like myself.
I feared failure until I realized that I only fail when I don't try.
I feared success until I realized that I had to try in order to be happy with myself.
I feared people's opinions until I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway.
I feared rejection until I learned to have faith in myself.
I feared pain until I learned that it's necessary for growth.
I feared the truth until I saw the ugliness in lies.
I feared life until I experienced its beauty.
I feared death until I realized that it's not an end, but a beginning.
I feared my destiny, until I realized that I had the power to change my life.
I feared hate until I saw that it was nothing more than ignorance.
I feared love until it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny days.
I feared ridicule until I learned how to laugh at myself.
I feared growing old until I realized that I gained wisdom every day.
I feared the future until I realized that life just kept getting better.
I feared the past until I realized that it could no longer hurt me.
I feared the dark until I saw the beauty of the starlight.
I feared the light until I learned that the truth would give me strength.
I feared change, until I saw that even the most beautiful butterfly had to undergo a metamorphosis before it could fly.

So, what do you fear?

Acie Update

2007-05-15T23:05:00.000-05:00

Just a quick update on Acie...
Due to complications with his health, Acie had to be put down last week.
Thank you friends, for the prayers.

The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace. Numbers 6:24-26

Happy Mother's Day

2007-05-13T17:14:00.000-05:00

I was so overwhelmed by what I had to do today that I decided to just waste the day and go to the local shops. For some reason, I ended up at Toys-R-Us. I stopped by the video game section and started playing an Xbox. A few minutes of trying to figure out the game, a young man - with his mom in tow - picked up the second player controller and, asking my permission, began to play against me. He seemed to know his way around the game and it got to the point where he started beating me. When my competitive alter-ego took over, I suddenly realized whose company I was in, so I eased off a little, allowing the young man to proudly show off to his lovely mom how he had beaten me.
I smiled, she smiled back and gave me a Thank You nod and a wink.
I wished her Happy Mother's Day.

When I sat in the pews at church today, I noticed two tables full of carnations at the front of the auditorium. Once service started, the preacher explained what the carnations were for and then asked young people - ages ranging from 1 to 65, to come up and pick up a carnation for each mom in their lives. Single moms, grandmas, great-grandma, new moms, moms with adopted children all received carnations.
When most of the carnations were handed out, I picked up two carnations and took them to a couple of special shut-ins after the service.
This is the one day of the year when we celebrate our moms. And let’s face it, mothers do so much for us: They cook good food for us to eat; they turn a house into a home; they mend our wounds; they console us when we face disappointments; they cheer for us when we do something well; and, perhaps their greatest contribution is that they instruct us about life What do they teach us? Let me suggest a few things:
• Mothers teach us about foresight: "Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you’re in an accident."
• Mothers teach us about logic: "If you fall out of that tree and break your neck, don’t come crying to me."
• Mothers teach us about maturity: "Eat your vegetables or you’ll never grow up."
• Mothers teach us about religion: "You better pray that comes out of the carpet."
• Mothers teach us about time travel: "If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
• Mothers teach us about contradictions: "Shut your mouth and eat your dinner!"
• Mothers teach us about contortionism: "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck?"
• Mothers teach us about perseverance: "You are going to sit here until you eat every last piece of that broccoli."
• Mothers teach us about genetics: "You’re just like your father."
• Mothers teach us about the weather: "It looks like a tornado swept through your room."
• Mothers teach us about the circle of life: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

With a smile on my face, I wish y'all Happy Mother's day.

Then the king said, "Bring me a sword." So they brought a sword for the king. He then gave an order: "Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other." The woman whose son was alive was filled with compassion for her son and said to the king, "Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don't kill him!" But the other said, "Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!" Then the king gave his ruling: "Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother." 1 Kings3: 24-27

Happiness and Joy

2007-05-04T22:36:00.000-05:00

Others have the right to expect that we keep the promises we make, that we tell the truth, that we pay our debts, that we cause them no injury, and that we do nothing that might impede their pursuit of a well-lived life. These expectations are obligations of justice. Beyond obligations of justice stand what I believe are three virtuous habits that can lead to a life filled with happiness:

Altruism
Jim Cowan identified generosity and kindness toward others in his lyrics:
When it’s all said and done, there is just one thing that matters. Did I do my best to live for truth? Did I live my life for you? All my treasures will mean nothing. Only what I’ve done for love’s reward will stand the test of time.

Gratitude
We all can make a long list of reasons to be grateful. You make your own list. As I was making mine, these lyrics from Butterfly Kisses came to mind:
There are two things I know for sure. She was sent here from heaven and she’s daddy’s little girl. As I drop to my knees by her bed at night. I thank God for all the joy in my life and for butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer. In all that I’ve done wrong, I must have done something right to deserve a hug in the morning and butterfly kisses at night.

Optimism
With loss of optimism, come spiritual loss, emotional decline and physical decay. Lyrics from Love She Found in Me provide a strategy for remaining optimistic:
She looked in a heart so sad and saw what no one ever had. Beneath the snow, she saw the spring. She finds good in everything. Even on the darkest night, she knows where to find the light. Give her thorns and she’ll find the roses. Give her sand she’ll find the sea. Give her rain and she’ll find the rainbows. Just see the love she’s found in me.

Happiness is…everyone who passes you at work says hi to you and calls you by your name.
Happiness is…the girl at the coffee shop knows you want a Venti White Chocolate Mocha without your uttering a word.
Happiness is…spending time by a sick friend’s hospital bed without looking at your watch.
Happiness is…caring for a wonderful 91 year-old on a Friday night without regards to any plans you’ve previously made for the evening.
Happiness is…that in a few hours, the children you've been missing will be running in your arms.
Happiness is…loving God, and knowing He loves you.

Joy transcends happiness. Steady and certain, joy comes from the confident assurance that God loves us and seeks to help us act according to His good purpose. While happiness depends on happenings, joy depends on the conviction that God strengthens us in our weaknesses even though his presence remains unseen.

How does God love? I suspect He loves sacrificially. When we take time to listen, to help and to encourage others, we love like God. When we give our prayers, our gifts, our presence and our service for the betterment of others, we love like God.
How does God think? I suppose He considers the eternal more important than the temporary. When we think like God, we endure adversity without bitterness and abide prosperity without conceit.

Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones. Isaiah 49:13

Please Don't Pass Me By

2007-04-30T11:18:00.000-05:00

There was a blind beggar by the roadside that caught the disciples’ attention. They noticed this man; he probably wore tattered clothes and walked with a large cane of some sort. We are told he was blind from birth. I can’t imagine what it would have been like not having seen anything my whole life. He wouldn’t know what a tree looked like or what blue is. But I know deep inside, the beggar’s blindness was not the only blindness in this story. The disciples believed that the blindness of this man happened because of some sin that had been committed. Yet even the disciples could not see what was about to happen. John 8 also states that Jesus refers to the Jews as blind because they cannot see He is from God. The Pharisees later in this chapter have to deal with a man-born-blind that could see and attributed Jesus’ healing to the Devil and cast this man out of the temple.

But which is worse, the physical blindness of the beggar or the spiritual blindness of the disciples, the Jews, and the Pharisees?

When I was little, my grampa took me to visit a local man. He was a blind man, but very angry. He never wanted visitors and even his family was not permitted on his property. My grampa had to settle a debt with him so we were allowed to come inside. Not knowing any better, I asked Grampa why the man was angry all the time with the man standing there.

Grampa took me aside and whispered “Because God is working his miracle through him”

I asked Grampa to explain, but I can never explain it in the English language the way he explained it to me.
“He has been blind all his life, but he will only be blind in this lifetime. When he gets to heaven, he won’t be blind anymore. God has made him suffer for only a short time, but because of his blindness, God glory can be seen by you, me, and those around him”

It was then that I told Grampa something I will never forget: “Grampa, would God let me trade places with him so I can get to heaven too?”
Not much was said after that, though I remember the man hunched down on the chair across from us, sobbing and Grampa reassuring him. A week later, I met a new friend. He and his family were visiting his blind grampa.

Jesus didn’t leave the man born blind… blind.
Jesus spit on the ground and made some mud. He put it on the man’s eyes and then He told him to wash in the Pool of Siloam. He then could see! This man who had never seen his reflection or people’s faces or buildings could now see it all. He had met Jesus and now he could see. It was a miracle.

Jesus, I need you --- please don’t pass me by.

Acie Update

2007-04-24T23:08:00.000-05:00

Acie has gone from a sickly (...um what is a baby buffalo called?) ...calf (?) to a regular walking, standing, pants-chewing, going-number-two pup. Soon hopefully he'll start to eat grass regularly so I don't have to worry about mowing the backyard.

I told a friend I had a buffalo in my backyard --- he freaked and had to see for himself.

He had mixed feelings with his fear of buffaloes, yet he had never actually seen one live before.

So I showed him Acie...

...Pretty fearsome, ain't he?

Special

2007-04-22T00:28:00.000-05:00

Today was another exciting day of Special Olympics
Each year, these brave and wonderful athletes come from all around the district to participate.

Each year, my daughter and I have volunteered our time to help with the events.
This year however, because of circumstances beyond our control, she could not be there. I did see her today though and she asked me about it. We’ll volunteer again next year.
Nevertheless, my two older children would have enjoyed helping.
Their willingness to help out today reminded me that they are willing to put others ahead of themselves.

I’m one proud papa. Sniff!

Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. Romans 13:10

Say 'ello to muh litta friend

2007-04-15T20:48:00.000-05:00

Well, here he is...ACIE the buffaLAW.

As you can see, he's a little sickly, but I get to help nurse him back. Poor Acie received little or no colostrum from momma and therefore didn't get the necessary antibodies and minerals that all babies need.

Acie got really sick and had to spend the past 3 weeks at the vets. We're hoping that being at my backyard will help in his development.

As the Deer

2007-04-15T02:42:00.000-05:00

I've finally met my new neighbors!
I was taking a break at my front porch when these little darlin's came up to say hi.
I also snapped a pic of their not-so-social cousins.
Tomorrow, I'll be taking pictures of Acie - my new best friend - a 3-week-old baby buffalo. More pics to come...

This Too Shall Pass

2007-04-12T17:10:00.000-05:00

Dear friend,
I know you are struggling through a rough road in your life right now. I don't have any special ability I can use to help you with your problems, but I hope these words will at least somehow provide some comfort...

In the middle of the turbulence surrounding you

These trying times that are so hard to endure

In the middle of what seems to be your darkest hour

Hold fast your heart and be assured…

This too shall pass

Like every night that's come before it

He'll never give you more than you can bear

This too shall pass

So in this thought be comforted

It's in His Hands

This too shall pass

The Father knows the tears you cry before they fall

He feels your pain, His heart and yours are one

The Father knows that sorrow's heavy chains are strong

But with His strength, you'll overcome

This too shall pass

Like every night that's come before it

He'll never give you more than you can bear

This too shall pass

So in this thought be comforted

It's in His Hands

This too shall pass

So set your eyes upon the mountain

And lift your hands up to the sky

And let His arms of love surround you

And take you to the other side

He Lives!

2007-04-10T17:33:00.000-05:00

Who taught the sun where to stand in the morning
Who told the ocean you can only come this far?
Who showed the moon where to hide 'til evening
Whose words alone can catch a falling star?

The very same God that spins things in orbit,
He runs to the weary, the worn and the weak.
And the same gentle hands that hold me when I'm broken
They conquered death to bring me victory

I know my Redeemer lives
Let all creation testify
This life within me cries
I know my Redeemer lives!

...To take away my shame
And He lives forever I'll proclaim
That the payment for my sin Was the precious life He gave
But now He's alive And there's an empty grave.

My Alabaster Box

2007-04-01T00:42:00.000-05:00

I watched a beautiful play today.
One of the scenes just took my breath away.
I can't describe the details in words, but hopefully I can convey to you what I saw and what I felt with the words in this song:

The room grew still as she made her way to Jesus
She stumbles through the tears that made her blind
She felt such pain. Some spoke in anger.
Heard folks whisper "There's no place here for her kind"
Still on she came through the shame that flushed her face
Until at last she knelt before his feet
And though she spoke no words, everything she said was heard
As she poured her love for the master from her box of alabaster
And I've come to pour my praise on Him like oil
From Mary's alabaster box
Don't be angry if I wash his feet with my tears and I dry them with my hair
You weren't there the night he found me
You did not feel what I felt when he wrapped his love all around me
And you don't know the cost of the oil in my alabaster box

I can't forget the way life used to be,
I was a prisoner to the sins that had me bound .
I spent all my days and poured my life without measure
Into a little treasure box I thought I found
Until the day when Jesus came to me
And filled my soul with the wonder of his touch
So now I’m giving back to him all the praise he's worthy of
I've been forgiven and that's why I love him so much
And I've come to pour my praise on him like oil
From Mary's alabaster box
Don't be angry if I wash his feet with my tears
And I dry them with my hair.......my hair
You weren't there the night Jesus found me
You did not feel what I felt when he wrapped his loving arms around me
And you don't know the cost of the oil...
You don't know the cost of my praise...
You don't know the cost of the oil in my alabaster box.

Happy Easter - From my family to yours.

Spring --- Texas Style!

2007-03-27T23:59:00.000-05:00

It just dawned on me --- it's springtime!
It's probably cold somewhere and warm in some places...
Here in Texas, it's very colorful.
So let me introduce you to my little friends...the official Texas state flower, the bluebonnet:

God Bless and have a wonderful day!

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead... 1Peter 1:3

Hi

2007-03-24T09:47:00.000-05:00

Hello friends!

Just a quick note to say I hope your day is going wonderfully.
Don't let the daily grind get you down and remember to keep your chin up!

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Philippians 4:4

Friends

2007-03-20T00:57:00.000-05:00

I received the following story via e-mail. I thought it would be selfish of me not to share it...

...After a few of the usual Sunday evening hymns, the church's pastor slowly stood up, walked over to the pulpit and, before he gave his sermon for the evening, he briefly introduced a guest minister who was in the service that evening.

In the introduction, the pastor told the congregation that the guest minister was one of his dearest childhood friends and that he wanted him to have a few moments to greet the church and share whatever he felt would be appropriate for the service. With that, an elderly man stepped up to the pulpit and began to speak.

"A father, his son, and a friend of his son were sailing off the pacific coast," he began "when a fast approaching storm blocked any attempt to get back to the shore. The waves were so high, that even though the father was an experienced sailor, he could not keep the boat upright and the three were swept into the ocean as the boat capsized."

The old man hesitated for a moment, making eye contact with two teenagers who were, for the first time since the service began, looking somewhat interested in his story.

The aged minister continued with his story, "grabbing a rescue line, the father had to make the most excruciating decision of his life: to which boy would he throw the other end of the life line. He only had seconds to make the decision.
The father knew that his son was a Christian and he also knew that his son's friend was not. The agony of his decision could not be matched by the torrent of waves.

As the father yelled out, 'I love you, son!' he threw out the life line to his son's friend. By the time the father had pulled the friend back to the capsized boat, his son had disappeared beneath the raging swells into the black of night.

His body was never recovered.

By this time, the two teenagers were sitting up straight in the pew, anxiously waiting for the next words to come out of the old minister's mouth.

"The father," he continued, "knew his son would step into eternity with Jesus and he could not bear the thought of his son's friend stepping into an eternity without Jesus. Therefore, he sacrificed his son to save the son's friend. "
“How great is the love of God that he should do the same for us. Our heavenly father sacrificed his only begotten son that we could be saved. I urge you to accept his offer to rescue you and take a hold of the life line he is throwing out to you in this service."

With that, the old man turned and sat back down in his chair as silence filled the room.

The pastor again walked slowly to the pulpit and delivered a brief sermon with an invitation at the end. However, no one responded to the appeal. Within minutes after the service ended, the two teenagers were at the old man's side.

"That was a nice story," politely stated one of them, "but I don't think it was very realistic for a father to give up his only son's life in hopes that the other boy would become a Christian."
"Well, you've got a point there," the old man replied, glancing down at his worn bible. a big smile broadened his narrow face. He once again looked up at the boys and said, "It sure isn't very realistic, is it? But, I'm standing here today to tell you that story gives me a glimpse of what it must have been like for God to give up his Son for me.

“You see...
I was that father and your pastor is my son's friend."

...And They're Off!

2007-03-16T00:17:00.000-05:00

I was halfway done with my twenty-lap swim when an elderly lady began hers on the lane next to me. I thought I had a pretty good freestyle stroke going when after swimming half the length of the pool, I realized I was being passed by the new swimmer on the next lane. I was incredulous. I felt embarrassed that I was being out swum by this lady.
So then I decided I’d take the pace up a notch --- no good. I couldn’t close in. When I looked up, I noticed I had just swam a 36-second lap. After about two laps of this, I was exhausted --- in all my efforts I was barely keeping pace with her, yet I could not --- for the life of me --- pass her.
Exhausted and embarrassed, I sat at the end of the pool after I finished my 20 laps, trying to figure out her secret. Her strokes seemed so effortless, yet she seemed to be gliding on air. Only after she flipped during her turn did I notice the fins on her feet. I smiled and shook my head for stressing over another night of trying to keep up with Mrs. Jones.

I wonder --- how many of us become unhappy with our own pace when we suddenly see the Jones’ passing us by?
It doesn’t really matter how fast we get there -- right? What matters is that we make the journey the best way we can.

Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. Hebrews 12:14

Just a Passing Through

2007-03-06T02:10:00.000-06:00

I was playing softball with some buddies from work. Amid the haze created by the dust and the hubbub from the plays on the field, I was able to make out a faint singing coming from somewhere behind the backstop on the other side of the fence. As I searched around for the melodious sound, I was able to recognize a young child singing an all too familiar song.

This world is not my home I’m just a passing through.
My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue
The angels beckon me from heavens open door
And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore…

As I took my turn at bat, I noticed that the little boy was playing underneath the scorekeeper’s box. He looked barely 6, but he seemed to know the song very well.
As I swung at the first pitch, the little boy sang the chorus at the top of his lungs with a masterful crescendo comparable to an operatic diva.

Oh Lord, you know I have no friend like you
If heaven’s not my home, then Lord what will I do…

I seemed to hit the ball with extra gusto from the surprise I received when the little tenor’s voice reached its apex. The ball got smaller and smaller as it traveled through the air…

The angels beckon me from heaven’s open doors
And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore.

…homerun.

The singing stopped. I turned around.
The little boy and I exchanged looks. He motioned at me as if to say he saw the homerun. As I began my homerun trot, I pointed a finger at him, winking. “You rock, kid” I said faintly.

These past couple of weeks have been some of the lowest times of my life.
But as that little boy reminded me, my treasures are laid up not on earth, but in heaven.

God sure has a funny way of reminding us sometimes.

Life Lessons from Noah

2007-02-15T00:32:00.000-06:00

Things I've learned from Noah's Ark:

1. Don't miss the boat.
2. Remember that we are all in the same boat.
3. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
4. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
5. Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
6. Build your future on high ground.
7. For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
8. Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
9. When you're stressed, float a while.
10. Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
11. No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2007-02-14T00:39:00.000-06:00

Ahh, L'amour!

Row, Row, Row Your Boat

2007-02-12T00:16:00.000-06:00

I forced myself to the theaters last night just to get away from sulking at the house. There wasn’t really much of anything on so I asked the girl at the ticket counter to pick a movie for me. She gave me a ticket for “Because I Said So”
I walked in thinking it actually sounded good… I couldn’t have been more wrong.
The story is centered around a controlling mother who -- in her ways of thinking -- is looking out for the best interest of the youngest of three daughters. When in actuality, she is controlling her daughter’s life and the daughter is forced to give in to the mother’s demands because she couldn’t handle the guilt trips. The control had gotten to the point that the mother’s happiness became more important than the daughter’s. Meanwhile, the nice guy the daughter meets (the one the mother didn’t like) suffers because she couldn’t discern what her true feelings were, not to mention that the mother is practically forcing the guy out of the picture. At some point I found myself blurting out at the screen “Just butt out!” Nevertheless, I forced myself to sit through the rest of the movie.

I saw my wife the other day; we were at the opposite ends of an intersection waiting for our lights to turn. She seemed happy and it made me wonder what she was thinking about. The other night at our daughter’s birthday meeting place, it felt awkward being with her, like I was walking on egg-shells. I had this strong urge to talk to her, to tell her I was still in love with her…

…last night I had a dream.
My wife and I were in the middle of a lake rowing a boat.
The boat had sprung a leak which started small. But as we pushed trying to row the boat to shore, the leak got bigger to the point that my wife didn’t want to scoop the water out anymore. So she jumped out and got to shore. I was left on the sinking boat holding the oars.

…as a team, my wife and I could have gotten the boat to shore and fix it. By myself, I couldn’t row and scoop water out. At some point, the boat HAS to sink… and I will eventually have to go to shore myself. But I will have to pay the price of the lost boat.

This whole period in which we live our lives is our trial time. There will always be moments when we are tempted and will have to make decisions that will affect our lives. How are we going to be able to discern if we’re listening to God or to Satan?

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 1Peter 5:8-9

The Cat's in the Cradle and the Silver Spoon

2007-02-09T18:16:00.000-06:00

I was allowed to see my children on my daughter’s birthday. My son Camden enthusiastically told me about his day and couldn’t stop telling me events that were exciting to him. As happy as I was for him and with my heartfelt need to encourage him, I was also being diverted to a playful little imp in the form of my youngest son and the need to give my daughter her birthday hug.

Once the children had settled down from the effects of seeing me, Camden resumed telling me the rest of his day.
When he finished, he said “maybe when we get done here, I can go ride in your truck?” He held his face up to me as if he was waiting for a long-anticipated present.
Without thinking, I responded with “Baby, you’re gonna have to ask your mommy about that”.
As soon as I said the first couple of words in that sentence, his face told me of the disappointment I once again thrust at him to douse his fire of happiness. Once again I began to mentally kick my own tail for not thinking first before speaking.

Of course, I would have given anything to accommodate his request. But I couldn’t very well have told him “Yes son, let’s go for a drive, but mommy will have the police chasing after us and will have me put in jail. But it’s gonna be okay because all I care about is that you and I spend every precious moment God gave us together.”

I don’t think I like this song anymore:

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then."

The Hardest Things I've Had to Do

2007-02-06T22:34:00.000-06:00

Her name had been in my heart, uttered by my lips, years before she was born.
The first day we met, I knew I was going to love her for the rest of my life.
On that joyful day, I couldn’t stand to be apart from her.
I wanted so much to become everything she needed for me to be.
I never wanted to leave her side. Yet I knew at some point the doctor had to take her away and I had to let her go.

When she woke up in the early hours of the morning, I stayed up with her.
I sat and watched television with her.
I played games with her, fed her, burped her.
I did everything I could to let her know I wasn’t going to leave her side.
But when morning came, when I had to go back to work, I knew that at some point, I had to let her go.

Today is her birthday.
I was given the chance to spend time with her and I took advantage of it.
She turns eleven today. She has grown so much.
We sat together and talked. She was sick today and didn’t go to school.
It made me ache that much more for the things that I’m missing out on.
I wanted so much to spend more time with her, but when she started to leave, I knew my arms would never be able to stretch out far enough to reach her.
I had to let her go.

Happy Birthday, Princess.

His Omnipresence

2007-01-31T07:01:00.000-06:00

I was sitting on the couch early this morning, unable to sleep, unable to stop thinking about my present situation.
In a flash, Nick and Jessica – my two cats – ran past in front of me, with Nick chasing after Jessica. Once he got her cornered, she hissed at him as if to say “don’t you dare lay your dirty paws on me!”
Ignoring her warnings, Nick continued with his advances only to receive slaps on the face. When he saw me witnessing the entire scene, Nick came running to me and jumped up my lap, licking his “wounds.” His meows sounded like pleas for help, not knowing what else to do to get through to her. Upon hearing this, Jessica slowly made her way to our direction, jumped up on my lap next to Nick and then allowed him to lick her between the ears.

When I got home last night, the weight of the world was heavily upon me. I went through the front door by myself, cooked and ate my dinner by myself, watched TV by myself, sat by myself. I just needed someone to talk to, someone to lay my cares upon, and just help me through another lonely night.

I was so deep in my own self-pity that I failed to recognize what Nick and Jessica were offering me. I began to realize that when I drove home last night, Jesus was in the seat next to me. When I came through that door, cooked my dinner, sat on the couch --- JESUS was with me!
As I sit here typing this, when I go to work, when I drive home from seeing my children, when I live out the next several years alone --- He will always be there. Sometimes we all just need reminders.

The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? Psalm 118:6

Disappointment to Dependability

2007-01-29T20:31:00.000-06:00

During the Civil War, the son of a devout Quaker family ran off and enlisted in the army to the great disappointment of his peace-loving father.
One night the father had a dream that his son had been wounded in action and was calling out his name. He wasted no time preparing his horse-drawn buggy and he rode for days to the scene of combat. Once there, he inquired of the commander where he might find his son. Sadly, the commander replied that many wounded remained on the battlefield after heavy action that day, but he gave the father permission to go in search of his son.

Making his way through the dreadful carnage, he called out his son’s name. "Jonathan Smythe, thy father seeketh after thee!”

Finally he heard a faint, barely audible cry, “Father, over here.”
Hurrying to the familiar voice he found his son, lying mortally wounded. As he cradled the boy in his arms, suddenly he opened his eyes, and said, “Hello father. I knew you’d come.” And then he breathed his last.

Our disappointments tell us much about our expectations --- yet very little about our circumstances. The next time you’re tempted to be disappointed in your child, remember how much that child is depending on you.

For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross. – Colossians 1:19-20

My Dear Son

2007-01-28T12:02:00.000-06:00

Today is my youngest son's birthday.
He has learned to do so much without me.
He's probably had his shares of troubles, bruises, good times, sad times...
All in all, despite the hard times he will face without me, he will be okay.
If there is one thing I bestowed on him biologically, it's his resilience.
But for sure, he will never have to feel alone. He will always know I'll be there for him.

...Send them on their way in a manner worthy of God. 3John 1:6

All Things Bright and Beautiful

2007-01-25T00:46:00.000-06:00

Once again I find myself unable to sleep with thousands of thoughts and ideas racing through my mind. I turned the computer on to play solitaire --- as I usually do whenever I can’t sleep --- but it just was not helping. Then I found this picture I took a couple of months ago at the university park.

I remember taking this picture. The glow from the setting sun served to show the contrast in colors of the different leaves, ranging from green, bright orange, red and yellow. The grass on the ground was still green and the water was just muddy brown, but for sure, the entire picture is just a vision. The bird is the focal piece that puts the final signature on the magnificent canvas. It would have been a true joy to enjoy this scene the day I took the picture, but honestly, my massive head-ache barely managed to bring the scene into focus in my throbbing head long enough to allow me to snap it. Yet, here I am today unable to take my eyes off the scene. There are so many combinations of harmonious colors ranging from plain green to majestic red with every monochromatic and analogous colors in between; lime green, mustard yellow, pastel pink, mint, chartreuse, brick red, peach, magenta...and oh so many more colors. The artist in me wants to name each blend of the yellow/green, red/orange... I simply do not have the color-vocabulary to define them all. The contrast provided by the dark tree trunk and branches only adds to its beauty. It is so breathtaking.

Suddenly it occurred to me...God is THE artist!
He is the ultimate creator of beauty that --- if we don't stop and look around us once in a while --- we could pass by beauty and not know it. He has given this lovely creation yet the only appreciation I could show was to freeze this moment of time in a picture and tuck it away for a viewing at my own convenience.
I wonder, does God give us these gifts of beauty because we need a constant reminder that He is with us no matter where our feet take us or do we simply notice them whenever we choose to acknowledge them? Either way, I praise God in all the beauty around me.

Twenty Bucks

2007-01-24T02:21:00.000-06:00

Stopping at a red light, I saw an elderly gentleman at the corner of the street holding a little piece of cardboard where “God Bless You” was handwritten. He looked dirty and unshaven, his clothes tattered and worn. It did cross my mind that he may have been homeless --- I just didn’t know. Nevertheless it was cold outside and he was braving the cold for whatever handout he could get.

As I waited for the light to turn green, I thought about the twenty dollars I had in my wallet. This was the weekly allowance I had given myself and I was going to use it for my weekend excursion at the movies. But then I thought about a time in high school when I found myself without a home and seeking food and shelter.
I had gone through the weekend without food and I remember going to each local business in town looking for after-school work. Without much success, I found myself almost collapsing from starvation (and exhaustion from all my walking) when I found an overcoat lying on a bench at a local park. My first instinct was NOT to find its owner – though that would have been the right thing to do – but noticing the park empty, I didn’t feel it was prudent to go around town looking for its owner either. I was just thankful to have found an extra layer of clothing to help keep me warm. But as I reached inside the pockets, I felt a piece of paper. I pulled it out and saw that the paper was actually a $20 bill.

That $20 kept me going for the next week until I got a job at a fast food restaurant and I was eventually able to get an apartment rooming with a friend. That $20 probably meant the difference between living in the streets and living the life I am living today.
So back to the present situation, I pulled the twenty out of my wallet without hesitation and handed it to the gentleman. I don’t know his current situation, but I figure if it meant the difference between him eating and my getting entertained, I’ll be glad to give up the twenty bucks.

…make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 2Peter1: 5-7

I Turn to You

2007-01-22T22:21:00.000-06:00

I turned the radio on to a rock station and as I listened to this song, all I could think of was Jesus. It's very uplifting. I know it's a pop song, but the words --- written on paper --- are simply inspiring. I found myself singing to Him:

When I'm lost, in the rain,
In your eyes I know I'll find the light, to light my way.
When I'm scared, losing ground
When my world is going crazy, you can turn it all around.
And when I'm down you're there pushing me to the top.
You're always there giving me all you've got.

When I lose the will to win,
I just reach to you and I can reach the sky again.
I can do anything,
'Cause your love is so amazing;
'Cause your love inspires me.
And when I need a friend, you're always on my side;
Giving me faith taking me through the night

For the arms to be my shelter through all the rain;
For truth that will never change;
For someone to lean on;
For a heart I can rely on through anything;
For that one whom I can run to.

For a shield from the storm
For a friend, for a love
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong;
For the will to carry on;
For everything you do;
For everything that's true,
I turn to you.

Breath of Life

2007-01-21T19:38:00.000-06:00

Genesis 2:7 states “the Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.”

If I took some dry seedlings and planted them on the ground, the mixture of the moisture, the dirt, and the internals of the seed ignite a spark of life that comes only from God.
When God breathed life into His son Jesus, He sent us a Gift.
When a man and a woman form a union and create a child, God has given them a gift.

When my daughter was born, it was one of the happiest days of my life. My life came full circle. The struggles I had faced in the past, the lonely times I’ve spent crying, the days I lived without feeling loved --- ALL were put into perspective. I had lived so that God could breathe life into this child. There isn’t going to be another Candra Victoria Lewis.
I acknowledged the miracle. God gave me a gift and from my heart I knew it was a gift I was going to treasure for the rest of my life. I felt just as blessed with the rest of my children.

As soon as I found out I was going to become a father, I had tried my best to do the right things. Sure I messed up along the way, I’ve done things I’m not proud of, I’ve said things that shouldn’t have been said. Overall, the only excuse I can come up with is I’m only human. You may have to give me thousands of chances as I will probably be forever a work in progress. But I can honestly say I have had nothing but the best interest of my children at heart on whatever endeavor I undertook --- and I had loved my children as much as any father could, if not more.

So today, I was sitting in church, the morning service almost over with --- I witnessed a baptism on stage. It was a father baptizing his daughter. There were no big speeches, no long and drawn out readings of scripture --- just a father full of pride that his daughter is acknowledging and accepting Christ into her life. I sat there thinking he had to have thought about the time he saw his daughter come out of her mother’s womb. He had to have thought about the trials he had faced in raising her, the times he had said things he shouldn’t have, the things he did that he wasn’t proud of.

Then I thought about my daughter’s recent baptism. Although it would have been an honor, my daughter WAS NOT baptized by me. Yet I needed to sit there and witness it because it was a glorious moment for her.

I pray that Lord can forgive me for walking out of today’s baptism. For now, I can’t take these father/daughter ceremonies. I am still struggling with this heavy burden that’s been placed on me.

My All in All

2007-01-17T22:42:00.000-06:00

I was feeling down today. In my attempt to motivate myself, I wrote this --- and after reading it to myself over and over, I went away inspired. I thought I’d share it...

There once was a rich man who commanded a great army. He was a valiant man, but he had a terrible disease for which there was no cure.
When informed there was someone from a town far away who could treat him, he wasted no time packing his wealth and go to this prophet.
When he got to his destination, he went away disappointed and angry because he thought that the prophet was just going to wave his hands and clear away his disease. Instead he was told to dip himself in the dirtiest river in the area seven times. After his complaining, one of his servants convinced him to do so and he came away clear of his disease.

In a world like ours, I believe that without Jesus we simply have no chance. We have more things in our lives we are blessed with than we realize. Still there are times we just go around praying “Please God grant me this, grant me that”. Yet we don’t hear God saying “I already gave it to you.”
Remember that God created you, He loves you, He cares for you more than you can imagine. And he wants to bring change --- Good Change --- He wants us to experience glory after glory. God wants us to do well.
If you’re sitting there thinking “this is my lot in life, this is it”. I want to tell you that the best is yet to come.

In general, we all have done well in our lives. But for some reason, there is that one little thing that we just can’t get over.
Let me tell you something. God wants to give you healing and he wants to give you victory in every aspect of your life. He wants you to be healed. So let me ask you, is there something in your life that maybe is not well? Something in your life that maybe not too many people know about? Maybe it’s a relationship that has failed, or a career that was lost and you’re so ashamed that you’re just trying to get by day to day. God wants to bring healing in every area of your life.
Whatever your situation, bring it all to God. Naaman brought it all. He had to have believed it was going to bring him healing. He was prepared to win. God can bring healing and victory however he wants.

God is Love

2007-01-15T08:55:00.000-06:00

I was driving through wet roads at 65 mph when the thought hit me. I can hydroplane out of control and die today. Then the thought of not having anyone to see me at my funeral came down on me like a ton of bricks. What would people say about me, if at all. While going over the thoughts of events after my death, the song “God is Love” overwhelmed my crazy thoughts. As my lips started singing along with my thoughts, I began to realize that to truly love God, I must also love ALL his children - no matter who they are. I have to confess, I haven’t loved Him as much as I should have.

I hope that whoever you are reading this, that I pray your world becomes a better place. That whatever ailment you are going through, God is always never far away. Even if we have never met before, even if we may never come together face to face, even if we may never hear each other’s voices, please understand that --- with all my heart, I love you.

Say What?

2007-01-13T10:17:00.000-06:00

The following are actual announcements from church bulletins:

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10:00. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Change My Heart, O God.

2007-01-11T23:15:00.000-06:00

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly; the Loch Ness Monster attacked his boat. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. It then opened its mouth waiting below to swallow them both.
As the man sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast he cried out,"Oh, my God! Help me!"

Suddenly, the scene froze in place and as the atheist hung in midair a booming voice came out of the clouds and said, "I thought you didn’t believe in me!" "God, come on, give me a break!" the man pleaded,"Just seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster either!" "Well," said God, "now that you are a believer, you must understand that I won't work miracles to snatch you from certain death in the jaws of the monster, but I can change hearts.
What would you have me do?" The atheist thinks for a minute then says, "God, please have the Loch Ness Monster believe in you also." God replies, "So be it."

The scene starts in motion again with the atheist falling towards the ravenous jaws of the monster. The Loch Ness Monster folds his claws together and says, "Lord, bless this food you have so graciously provided..."

Priceless

2007-01-10T00:50:00.000-06:00

Cost of dropping everything and rushing out from work ------ probably my job.

Cost of 4 Advil caplets at the corner store – $1.96

Cost of a greasy chicken meal at McDonald’s---------- $4.87

Cost of washing and drying jeans, sweater, and truck seats after spilling entire contents of a 32-ounce McDonald’s soda --------- probably expensive.

Cost of a speeding ticket ----- exorbitantly more expensive than the fast food meal.

Cost of trying to talk your way out of said speeding ticket ---- price just quadrupled.

Cost of flat repair to remove nail imbedded in tire at civic center parking lot --- $10

Cost of making it to the appointed destination on time and seeing your son perform his part on stage ---- PRICELESS.

In-State Rivalry

2007-01-07T03:23:00.000-06:00

During the 2-hour visit with my kids yesterday, my two oldest began playfully arguing about what college shirt one would wear when visiting the rival Texas university --- specifically Texas A&M and the University of Texas.
My daughter Candra, the oldest, said that the Texas A&M Aggies have the best football program and that she was proud that the Longhorns lost to the Aggies this year. She said she would wear the aggie colors any day of the week, but would probably not wear them if she were on the Longhorn campus.
My son Camden proudly said he would parade around the A&M campus wearing a Longhorn shirt. I tried to keep the smile on my face away from the conversation by playing with the youngest, Cheney.

As the argument heated, Cam/Can both looked at me for help.
“Don’t look at me, I’m a Gator and my team is going to the national championship this year”, I said with a teasing tone.
They both rushed me down to the floor which escalated to tickling and laughing.

Smile

2007-01-04T23:01:00.000-06:00

If you're having a bad day, remember, God is always at the beginning, within, and at the end of the tunnel.

So Smile...

...and hope you have a wonderful rest of the day.

Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. James 5:13

New Year Resolutions

2007-01-01T03:31:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year, my dear friends.

It’s not just a new year, it’s a whole new beginning: new hopes and dreams, new expectations, new horizons to discover.
For my new year's resolutions, I borrowed quotes from The Interview With God

1. To learn we cannot make anyone love us. All we can do is let ourselves be loved.

2. To learn that is it not good to compare ourselves to others.

3. To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.

4. To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in those we love, and it can take many years to heal them.

5. To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.

6. To learn that there are people who love us dearly, but simply do not yet know how to express or show their feelings.

7. To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it differently.

8. To learn that it is not enough that we forgive one another, but we must also forgive ourselves.

Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. 1 Peter 4: 1-2

Interview With God

2006-12-28T21:35:00.000-06:00

Very few words entered my thoughts as I watched this video:

The Interview With God

Please take a couple of minutes and watch it.
You'll be glad you did.

Thanks Terry.

Midnight Mass

2006-12-26T21:55:00.000-06:00

Since my first introduction to midnight mass, I had always attempted to “sneak off” every Christmas Eve to attend the traditional midnight services. Raised a Catholic, I made every effort to attend the services to first and foremost celebrate our Saviour’s birth but to also memorialize my great-grandparents. It was they who showed me the true meaning of Christmas.

Since my glorious baptism into Christianity, I had forgotten most of the service proceedings I had performed growing up; mainly the recitations preceding the Eucharist. The church I went to also did not have candles available with which to light the memorial.

Nevertheless, the priest presented his awe-inspiring sermon of Jesus’ birth.
Just before the end of mass, the priest told of a woman who came to him one year ago during Christmas mass.
She had asked him to pray for her son who was serving a tour in Iraq. She was sad that her son was not able to spend the holidays with his family.
Now one year later, she came to the priest again, asking him to pray for her son’s family.
Her son had come home a few days prior… home to paradise.

Despite my loneliness, despite all the sadness I feel from my separation with my children, I am very blessed to have them in my life. There may be far and few in between, but --- thanks to our troops, their families, and the sacrifices made each day--- I can always look forward to seeing my children and hearing those wonderful voices say “I love you, Daddy.”

God bless you.

Happy Holidays

2006-12-24T15:25:00.000-06:00

Wishing you and yours a very...

Merry Christmas!!!

God Bless.
Noel Lewis

Merry Christmas

2006-12-21T00:44:00.000-06:00

Dear Friends:

I apologize for not posting as often as I should be.
I can come up with many different reasons for the dereliction of my blogosphere duties, but I’ll stop there as I am sure many -- if not most -- of you already know the tumultuous sea of emotional cruise I am currently undertaking. Sure there are the occasional sit-downs at the psychologist chairs, the visitation with church elders, the moral support from friends… However, right now --- despite the countless miles I’ve run on the treadmills, the hundreds of cups of coffee I’ve downed, the numerous sleepless nights --- nothing would make me happy than to be able to spend Christmas with my children. As it stands, I will be spending Christmas the same way I spent Thanksgiving --- without them.

Throughout our life’s journey, we are faced with many trials.
Through it all, we must face many of life’s uncertainties, including the possibility of being hurt. Some of us are intolerant to pain, despite our dogmatic denials of our true capacity for it.
I believe that it is through pain and suffering that we are wounded.
It is through our wounds that we learn to heal.
It is through healing that we learn to love.

I love you all, dear friends. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for bringing you my way and for giving me your support. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones.

…the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." Luke 2: 10-14

Vast Distances

2006-12-13T18:34:00.000-06:00

The sun, the nearest star to earth is so big, a million spheres the size of our earth can fit inside it.
The sun is 93 million miles away from earth.
If one inch represented 10 million miles, I would have to take one huge step to get there.
I would have to walk forty miles to get to the next nearest star.
The second nearest star is 300,000 times as far away as the sun.
The Milky Way is 100,000 light years across in diameter and 3000 light years thick

Knowing that the earth is but a tiny speck in the vast universe, this holiday season has made me feel that much more insignificant.
I don’t know what hurts more: Coming home to an empty house or wanting so badly to be with my children that every beat of my heart aches with searing pain.
They may as well be a million light years away.

I know that God is with me constantly.
I know that He always has His arms around me, comforting me.
I just wish it didn’t have to hurt this bad.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139: 23-24

Changes

2006-12-06T00:34:00.000-06:00

I was putting up decorations on the Christmas tree, a tradition my eager children and I normally share. I had the Christmas music turned on, the fireplace fired up, wine glass full of egg-nog, and a Santa hat on my head, but sadly, no children...
I was singing along with the familiar Christmas songs when Cindy-Lou Who (The Grinch) came on, singing:

Where are you Christmas
Why can’t I find you?
Why have you gone away?
My world is changing, I'm rearranging.
Does that mean Christmas is changing too?

Where are you Christmas?
Do you remember the one you used you know?
I was so carefree, now nothing's easy.
Did Christmas change, or just me?

This will be the first year I am going to spend Christmas without my children. I don’t know what this holiday season has in store for me emotionally. I do know that a long time ago, God used the census for His higher purpose to ensure Joseph and Mary ended up in Bethlehem. I realize that despite the crazy mixed up emotions these holidays will put me through, God will always be here with me – that He has a higher purpose for me. After all, I have received a present that is worth more than silver or gold. I have received the gift of Jesus.

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12

A Father's Love

2006-12-03T20:53:00.000-06:00

While singing songs yesterday in the tiny room provided for me to spend time with my children, my daughter told me that she missed my song-leading. I wondered what could have all of sudden come to her thoughts that would lead her to say she missed my leading songs in church. She went on about her singing, but a progression of ideas came to my head on what she may have been really trying to tell me by saying those words:

Daddy, I miss you leading songs in church.
Daddy, I miss you sitting beside me in the church pews.
Daddy, I miss you brushing my hair.
Daddy, I miss you reading me a goodnight story, kissing me goodnight and telling me how much you love me.
Daddy, I miss you teaching me a new game, or explaining to me how certain machines work.
Daddy, I miss you teaching me how to play softball, tennis, soccer.
Daddy, I miss you helping me with my homework.
Daddy, I miss you …

Children are great aren’t they? They can give you a certain feeling of joy and pain at the same time. What I would give to be at my children's side whenever possible.
Despite all the statistics available out there regarding fatherless children, mine will never have to wonder if I will always be there if they ever need me. They’ll know.

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1

Heart on my Palm

2006-11-29T20:42:00.000-06:00

Through God’s amazing grace, I was able to spend a few quality minutes with my children last night at my middle child’s Cub Scout function.
My youngest immediately sat on my lap and began writing the alphabet on the palm of my hand. I was impressed (with bittersweet sadness) that he was able to recite several of the letters in succession.
By the time he decided he was done writing on my palm, I noticed that the mark he left formed a heart shape. I went to bed last night with an unwashed left hand close to my heart.
This morning, the heart shape was washed away from showering.
However, I had stared at my left palm throughout the day on several occasions, each time with a sense of burning feeling at the spot where the heart once was.

God, I miss them already…

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2Corinthians 4:18

Secret Sins

2006-11-27T00:52:00.000-06:00

I have a confession to make.
For the longest time, I allowed my secret sins to reside in me. My feeble mind’s thinking only fueled the fire that drove the wedge between me and my relationship with God, not to mention what it did to my marriage.

I realize that the reason why we have relationship issues is because God is constantly testing our faith. The trials we face daily in our lives are meant to make us look into ourselves, how well we know ourselves in our relationship with Him. Sin happens because we forget God’s truth. The will to turn from our secret sins is a decision we have to make on our own. No one else can make that decision for us.
Sin is everything which is contrary to God and God’s will.
Sin is an illness.
It is a choice.
It is an addiction. And like all addictions, it will ultimately destroy us if we feed that addiction!

For so many sleepless nights now, I’ve looked into my relationship with God. Am I penitent? Is my heart soft? Am I truly open, ready and willing for Him to test me? Am I ready to listen to His soft and tender voice?
Tonight and for every night for the rest of my life, I can honestly say I am.

“Purer in heart, o God, help me to be;
That I Thy holy face one day may see;
Keep me from secret sin, reign Thou my soul within.
Purer in heart, help me to be.”
---F. C. Davison

Thanksgiving Day

2006-11-23T10:24:00.001-06:00

Thanksgiving Day is a time to remember our many blessings and to celebrate the opportunities that freedom affords. Explorers and settlers arriving in this land often gave thanks for the extraordinary plenty they found. And today, we remain grateful to live in a country of liberty and abundance. We give thanks for the love of family and friends, and we ask God to continue to watch over America.

This Thanksgiving, we pray and express thanks for the men and women who work to keep America safe and secure. Members of our Armed Forces, State and local law enforcement, and first responders embody our Nation's highest ideals of courage and devotion to duty. Our country is grateful for their service and for the support and sacrifice of their families. We ask God's special blessings on those who have lost loved ones in the line of duty.

…We give thanks to live in a country where freedom reigns, justice prevails, and hope prospers. We recognize that America is a better place when we answer the universal call to love a neighbor and help those in need. May God bless and guide [US] as we move forward…

GEORGE W. BUSH

Hiding Place

2006-11-19T21:10:00.000-06:00

I went to my favorite place to feed the ducks, fish, and turtles. When I looked out onto the pond, I just had to snap a picture. This place holds a special meaning for me.

My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. Song of Solomon 2:14

My Sunshine

2006-11-17T18:07:00.000-06:00

Walking out of the library this evening, I held open the door for a gentleman who was holding his little daughter. Both were laughing as we walked towards the parking lot, their car parked alongside mine.
The young lady began to sing a familiar tune with a touch of slow, soulful beat:

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are gray.
You’ll never know dear how much I love you.
Please don’t take my sunshine away.

The way the little girl sang the song was almost angelic.
At the end of the song, the gentleman was quiet.
I heard the little girl ask “Daddy, why are you crying?”

I couldn’t look up as tears also began to form in my eyes.
I wanted to, but I didn’t want to intrude in their moment together.
I can only imagine what he must have been feeling.
The words in the song have such a deeper meaning to me now than before...

The Fountains of Bellagio

2006-11-17T02:35:00.000-06:00

On an ordinary night in a town full of couples and newlyweds, my footsteps led me to the front of the Bellagio hotel where spectators gathered awaiting the event about to unfold on the quarter-mile-long lake at the front of the hotel. My ears picked up as Bocelli’s Con Te Partiro began to fill up the airwaves and water nozzles begin to surface from the lake.

When water began to shoot out of the nozzles, lights underwater appear to animate the jet sprays. The various ranges of movement across the lake were unpredictable; some of the movements were continuous, dancing to the smooth passages of the rhythmic operetta, while other nozzles create symmetrical waterfalls. Still, other nozzles shoot water at a rapid pulse, reaching heights as high as 240 feet. The finale was something to behold. The nozzles reacted to the fortissimo of the operetta’s grand finale, shooting various breathtaking visions of water expressions that leave your nose wet and your soul breathless.
At the end of the show, I saw around me couples with newfound appreciation in their eyes, no doubt the show they had just seen had evoked a deep emotional feeling between them. I could think of nothing less than respect and trust. I was a little envious, somewhat nostalgic of my younger days married to the woman of my dreams. A smile formed on my face, the lyrics of the song still fresh on my memory. As I turned my back to the fountains, I sighed “Ah, L’amour” only to realize that I was greeted by a replica of the famous French landmark, the Eiffel Tower.

For the rest of the night, I went inside the casino, checking out the Italian shops. I couldn’t have felt more alone than if you put me at the center of a million people. Disheartened, I began the long trek back to my hotel room. I was walking up the crosswalk leading out of the Bellagio when, at the top of the steps, I was faced with a gentleman --- well, more like a homeless person --- planted sitting cross-legged at the top of the stairs. His demeanor and clothes made him look as if, although he appears homeless, he had been taking care of himself. He held up a sign made from a small square piece of raggedly cut cardboard and he held it up for the oncoming cross walkers to see. On the sign were scribbled the words:

“I won’t lie, I need beer”

Not only did this put a giant smile on my face, it also forced out a bellowed laugh that I think came from somewhere within me. I had not laughed like that in so long. I think it may have also been infectious that other people walking with me also bellowed out their hearty laughs.
Out of sheer enjoyment, and being taken aback at the honesty of the message, I turned back around, reached from my wallet, and gave the gentleman a twenty.
“God bless you, young man” he said.
As soon as I heard those words, I became more impressed. I have heard Las Vegas referred to as the “Sin City” and despite the reputation that this city has, I couldn’t help but be in awe that a beautiful flower could bloom in this seemingly uninhibited place.
I turned around to see a glow about the gentleman that made his smile seem genuinely thankful. I smiled back and an uncomfortable, burning feeling grew out of my sinuses to run down to my heart. “Did I just do something nice?” I thought to myself. I could have easily dismissed the thought and kept on walking. But frankly, I didn’t want to.
“You’re welcome” I said.

Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do. Ecclesiastes 9:7

Lovest, Me

2006-11-13T19:04:00.000-06:00

I could think of nothing but you today.
It seems a single spark of thought or idea about you is all it takes for my mind to commit you to my thoughts for the rest of the day.
I am writing this to tell you that to me, your love is beautiful, lasting, and true.
I can forever search and never find a love that can even come close to comparing to the love that you have shown me.
Whenever I’m sad and feeling alone, it takes only the mere thought of your face to make me feel warm and feel content. The shroud of your love is all I need to see me through.
I will always treasure you and I will forever be grateful for having you in my life.
You’ll never need to ask me how much you mean to me.
My love for you can never fade.

Lovest,
Me.

…neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:39

The Ring

2006-11-09T03:39:00.000-06:00

I bumped into an old Marine Corps buddy this week while crossing a busy intersection.
It didn’t take us long to catch up on old times and get updates on current times, but he appeared rushed. He kept checking his watch as if he had a very important appointment he needed to attend. I made an excuse to release him from our chance encounter but instead he invited me to join him.
He was on his way to a jewelry store at a rather extravagant place here in this busy desert town. The sight of the almost palace-like hallway into the majestic main floor was alight with beams of sunlight refracted from the crystalline windows.
He had purchased a solitaire engagement ring from this place several months ago, but he didn’t have the courage to ask the jeweler if they could take it back…
His wife left him the day he purchased the ring.

I could sense his indecisiveness as he stopped, turn around, then back around again. I made no statements. I simply didn’t have the words.
After an eternity of silence, he begged for forgiveness as he stated that he had performed this ceremony on several occasion, each time retreating with his tail tucked behind.

Instead, he looked at me. “Have you ever seen the movie Titanic?” he asked.
“Yes”
“Remember the part where Rose threw the Blue Diamond in the ocean?”
“Yes” I replied, my curiosity getting the best of me.
“I feel like doing the same thing. Wanna drive down to the Pacific coast with me?”
“Sure” I said.

During the drive there, I asked my friend the story behind the ring.
He related that the first engagement ring he bought for his wife had a diamond that he felt was too small, but it was all he could afford. He promised her he would one day buy her a ring with bigger stones. He was therefore away from home too often, working long hours to save up. Unfortunately, money was tight and he couldn’t get the ring sooner. When he was finally able to buy the ring, he was going to ask her to marry him all over again.

Once we made it to the PCH in California, the sun was about to set. I watched the sad figure of a man walk down the windy beach, the waves crashing violently against the rocks. He stood atop one of the rocks and I watched him throw the ring into the sea.
I had always been curious what guys did with dis-engagement rings…
In the end, when you lose someone you love, the most expensive treasure you keep could never replace the treasure that’s been ripped from your heart. Like Rose, you can only hang on to those memories to remind you of the happy times, but in some cases, hanging on is too painful. Letting go is the only way we can truly allow ourselves to heal.

Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD; may your love and your truth always protect me. Psalm 40:11

Forgiveness

2006-11-01T23:22:00.000-06:00

A man was sitting alongside his son’s bed in the intensive care facility at a hospital. He knew his son was terminal, just a matter of time before he passed away. Concerned about his son’s faith, the father began to talk to him about Jesus. However, the son interrupted and said “Dad, I need to tell you about a dream I had.”
The father quietly agreed and listened to his son as the dream is related:

“I dreamed I was in a library filled with file cabinets. Out of sheer curiosity, I opened one of the cabinets, took out one of the file cards, and read its contents. On the card was written a long-forgotten sin I had committed at a young age. Then I pulled out another… and another…yet another. Each file contained cards upon cards of sins I had committed. Thinking I would never get to heaven for all my sins, I became so disheartened and afraid that it was all I could do to keep the tears from falling.
But before I could drown in my sorrows, a man whom I recognized approached me. I was struck with fear once I came to a realization that the man was Jesus. He started pulling out the file cabinets one after the other and with tears in his eyes, he wrote something on each of the cards. When he finished, he turned to me and smiled then vanished.
After a little while I was able to muster up the courage to get up and go to the file cabinets. I opened a drawer, took out one of the cards, then read it. Then I read another, then another, and yet another. On every card was written the words, ‘This Sin is forgiven’”

“Dad, please don’t cry. I know where I am going, so don’t worry about me, OK?”With that, the son quietly passed away.
The father got down on his knees beside the bed…holding his son’s hand, Weeping openly, he prayed giving thanks to God.

When we forgive we know we have done the right thing. We have done what God has asked of us and that will give us peace. Then we can pick up the pieces and go on.

I thank God daily for his wonderful, amazing grace. His forgiveness is my only hope of achieving my goal of heaven.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

Facing The Giants

2006-10-30T23:46:00.000-06:00

I invited my in-laws last night after church to see the movie “Facing the Giants”. I had heard nothing but praises about this movie but resigned to the idea that it was just another sports film. I couldn’t have been more wrong in my assumptions.

The fact is, this movie is about dedicating your life to Christ, that whatever your work here on earth is you commit yourself to Him 110%. Whenever you despair, you face up to your fears and persevere even when you have no ounce of energy left in your body and the odds are overwhelmingly stacked against you.
It’s about facing your giants and win or lose, on the field or off the field, we praise God in ALL that we do.

The situation I am currently going through had me facing several giants. By committing my life to God, I was able to slay some of them. But why haven’t I slain ALL of them. Is it perhaps I haven’t truly given my 110% and trust that He will sustain me in all that I do?
The day will come when I will have overcome all my giants. I trust that He will someday reward me with true happiness, if not on earth, then in Heaven.

One of the most memorable scenes in the movie involved a man who walked the halls daily praying for revival at the school. He tells a parable about two farmers who both pray for rain. One waits for it longingly. The other waits for it while "preparing his fields." His concluding question was "Which one is truly trusting God?"

To you reading this post, I pose the following questions:

What giants are you faced with today?
Will you be prepared when the rain comes?

The movie is worth more than the cost of a ticket.
And if you do go, bring a loved one and a box of tissue.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:23, 24

Service Engine Soon

2006-10-29T03:08:00.000-06:00

I was driving back from a friend’s house out of town on a long stretch of road early this morning joyfully singing along a rocking country song when I noticed the “Service Engine Soon” light at the dash of my truck come one. In no time at all, the truck became unresponsive to my pressing the gas pedal even though all the electronics inside the cab were still functioning.

I immediately pulled as far to the side of the two-lane road as I could and going with my first instinct in determining the cause of the problem, I popped the hood to check for any sign of overheating. I was relieved to find that at least the radiator wasn’t steaming!
I decided to let the engine sit for about five minutes. I looked up and noticed how clear the night sky was. It has never occurred to me before, but have you ever watched how sometimes the stars change colors from green to red to blue to white when they twinkle? It was mesmerizing.

Back to my problem, I decided to start the ignition. The engine would not turn over at all. I checked the battery voltage using my voltmeter. The battery had plenty of charge. I checked all the fluids and fuel…All ok. I checked for any loose hoses and wires. Found none. Next, I broke out my trusty old can of starting fluid and sprayed some on the air intake. The engine fired for a few seconds, then stopped. I checked for loose fuel lines. Found none…
Finally, I decided to replace the fuel pump with a used one that I started to carry in the tool box. (I had been having problems with the fuel pump for a while and have put off buying a new one because of financial issues. Instead, I had been able to buy a used one from the junk yard for a much cheaper price)
Once the “new” fuel pump was in place, one more spray of the starting fluid was able to get the engine running --- and stay running --- then I was able to get on my way.

What’s really extraordinary about this event is that I did the work with one very dim flashlight (and aided with the light emitted by the stars and partial moon). Moreover, the work could have taken me a much shorter time, but I just had to stop and "smell the roses" --- so to speak --- to admire God’s handiwork in the heavens.

I couldn’t have felt closer to God than that moment. I wasn't frightened at all at the idea of being stranded in the middle of nowhere, at risk from any potential bad situation. I have full faith and confidence that He will protect me from any trials that I will have to face alone.
People drove by. No one stopped... which was to be expected. However, the passing cars did provide enough light momentarily to allow me a clearer look at what I was doing. In the end, my eyesight readjusted to the lighting provided from up above.
Life seems to be like that sometimes. People we meet along the way shed their light on us temporarily, but it's when we are alone that we find light is God's creation.
I just need to make sure I fix whatever is causing that Service Engine light to come on whenever that time came.

I took a big risk in my shot-gun replacement of the fuel pump, but it paid off. I was able to drive home. I only hope this “temporary” fuel pump lasts long enough to where I can save up for a new one.
…the “Service Engine Soon” light did go off.

…even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. Psalm 139:12

God Will Make a Way

2006-10-26T23:52:00.000-05:00

Today was an extremely difficult day to get over with.
When I got up this morning, I accidentally kicked the binder I kept my Desert Storm letters in. Out popped letter #1....the first letter I sent to her...
As late as I already was for work, I decided to pull the letter out, sit down, and read it... longingly looking for the part where I said “So you see, your letter may be short and unimportant to you, but for me, it’s a flicker of light in the midst of darkness”
On Oct 31, it will be exactly 16 years ago when I first wrote those words.

As I reflect back at those words, I remember living in darkness. That light turned out to be the woman I loved. Now that she's no longer in my life, I realize that God should have been that light all along. If I had known that back then, I would have been able to see my way to becoming a man, a husband, and a father after God's own heart.
Wouldn't it be nice if, whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl-Alt-Delete' and start all over?

God will make a way where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see, He will make a way for me
He will be my guide, hold me closely to His side.
With love and strength for each new day,
He will make a way. He will make a way.

By a roadway in the wilderness He leads me,
And rivers in the desert will I see.
Heaven and earth will fade, but His Word will still remain
And we will do something new today.

This is such a beautiful song that I couldn't help but be inspired.
God’s love is so pure that whenever I am at my lowest, I can always be lifted up and know that I am never alone whenever I hear and sing his songs.

My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul. Psalm 108:1

Execution of a 3-Mile Run

2006-10-25T00:06:00.000-05:00

One Achilles’ heel that has kept me from reaching an ultimate goal is the inability to run 3 miles under 18 minutes. This is the Marine Corp's perfect run. This task has been one Holy Grail that has eluded my every attempt even during my younger and more physically fit days in the Marine Corps. Therefore, this morning’s 3 miles were no more meaningful than the other thousands of miles I’ve run in the past.

I took my position at the starting line of the path I had always taken, started my stop watch, then immediately began my run.
“Ho hum” I thought to myself. “Another 3 miles, here we go.”
This particular morning was chillier than what I had been used to, a sign that winter may actually be on its way to greet us.
Then, for some reason, a vision of my daughter being born came into view as if someone turned on a movie projector in front of me.
“Whoa, where did that come from?” I thought to myself. I almost tripped over the curb for not watching where I was going. A smile formed on my lips as I thought of the happy times she and I spent together. In an instant, I felt light on my feet. Each step I took felt as if I was a stag bounding about.
Then the vision of my daughter was replaced by one of my older son. I saw the look he gave me, just days after I promised him I would never allow anything to separate us. I tried to run faster after him but an invisible force seemed to place him further ahead of me and I couldn’t catch up. I wanted so badly to scoop him up and hug him forever but the harder and faster I ran, the bigger the distance between us grew. Tears began to form on my eyes as I could feel a heaviness begin to dwell in my heart at the thought of losing him. Each time I wiped the tears from my eyes, the more faint the image of him became.
I had to slow down a bit. The speed at which I was running muddled my breathing pattern and I found myself taking more air in than letting out. The thought of my youngest son calmed me down to where I was once again running with a regular breathing pattern. I was able to keep the tears from forming to allow me a clear view to the path ahead.
However, as the path began to round a corner and the sight of my son began to fade. I couldn’t tell if it was my vision was getting worse, or the rising sun’s rays from the horizon were simply blinding me.
I was able to admire the view though and I couldn’t help but smile at the idea of me spending an entire day with my children.
“O we could do so many fun things together, just have a fun day.” I thought. Once again, I was a young buck light on my feet. I could see my children smiling at me with hands stretched out, ready for me to take them to a fun place. But once again, I could feel myself running faster after them. But just as I had my eyes focused on the reverie, I neglected to pay attention to the bright lights ahead of me. My dream was shattered by a loud horn --- the car in front of me stopping short of ending my life right then and there. I had to scurry across the street to keep from getting run over.
The beams from the car provided enough light to allow me to check my stop watch --- I was 15 minutes into the run. Suddenly, I realized I was only about a ½-mile away from the finish line.
My heart began to beat faster at the prospect of finishing at a record time. I lifted my legs higher, used my thighs to pick up my feet and landing on my heels. This allowed me to gain speed. Already, I was starting to feel the effects of the heavy steps. 17 minutes, 15 seconds… my reserve of fresh air was starting to run out. I was starting to take in cold air and I could feel my chest getting tighter. 27 seconds…almost there. “Oh no, my left thigh is starting to cramp. Please not now”.
33 seconds --- the pain at my left thigh is beginning to feel like a sharp knife.
40 seconds, I’m tightening my leg muscles and I’m leaning my head forward, trying to gain extra speed.
…almost there…
I don’t have time to look at my watch. I need to get to that finish line.
Finally, I cross the finish line with a sharp pain at my side, my leg, my calf. My entire lower body was basically being poked by hundreds of sharp knives. I looked at my watch… 57…58…59… 18 minutes.
I did it!
I finally ran the 3 miles under 18 minutes!
I can finally mark off #11 from my list.

There's a lesson in here somewhere, but right now I am too emotionally drained to reason it all out. One thing is for certain, my faith has so far kept me on a straight path towards my promise to my children --- to love them according to His will.

I am in pain and distress; may your salvation, O God, protect me. Psalm 69:29

Are you washed?

2006-10-19T18:19:00.000-05:00

In my class last night, the question was brought up “What was the most romantic thing you did for your spouse?”
The people in my group almost tripped over each other trying to tell their story first. One gentleman described in detail of the time he showed up at his wife’s work wearing a white tuxedo, standing in the white limousine with his upper torso out of the sunroof, holding a bouquet of red roses. “I guess it wasn’t as romantic as I thought," he resigned. "Else we’d still be together.”
A well-dressed lady spoke next, saying she sold a precious belonging so she could surprise her husband with a trip to Europe. “I just couldn’t make him happy, I guess” she admitted.
Another lady described a time when she surprised her husband by flying out to where he was attending a conference, only to find him with another woman.
The gentleman sitting next to me described how, after 9 years, he still loved his wife and all these years, he had been waiting for her return. Everyone then went silent.
After a few silent moments of pondering, several in the party turned their attention to me. “And what about you?” they asked. "What was the most romantic thing you did?"
I thought about a lot of the things I did, but I couldn't think of anything that would come close to some of the stories I heard. I just started spouting some words not knowing where I was going to end up with the story...

"…One evening, as I struggled to think of where I went wrong that led my wife to be unhappy in our marriage, I asked her to “talk” to me, to get things out in the open and figure out how to fix our problems. As we sat together, I couldn’t think. I couldn’t talk. She was so beautiful, yet inside, I felt so helpless. I wanted so badly to make her happy again. Finally, I stood up, asked her to stay on the couch, and told her I’d be right back.
I returned with a gallon of water, a basin, and a towel. I slowly knelt in front of her.
Without saying a word, I lifted her left foot and placed it on the basin, slowly pouring water on her foot. I wiped off the water, kissed her foot, then placed it on the floor. I repeated the same on her right foot.
When I finished, I placed the water, towel, and basin aside then brought myself closer to her and told her “I love you and I am willing to do everything I can to make this marriage work.”

It was probably the most humbling event I have ever experienced in my life. Whether romantic or not, I couldn’t finish the story without a crack in my voice. But just like the other stories told that night, mine was no different than theirs. We all ended up without the ones we loved.

"No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet." Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me." John 13:8

Give Me Lunesta!

2006-10-18T01:46:00.000-05:00

Once again, I can't sleep.
Out of sheer boredom, I thought I'd test my time management skills and play with this Facial Recognition website. It's where you upload a picture of yourself and let the sofware scan its database for people who most resemble you. Apparently I resemble the following celebrities:

From left to right, that's Jay Hernandez, William Moseley, Val Kilmer, and Sarah Michelle Gellar.That makes me a backpacking fighter pilot who likes to play in wardrobes while kicking the undead back to their graves.

Yeah, pretty scary...

I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me. Psalm 3:5

Witness to Crucifixion

2006-10-17T00:33:00.000-05:00

Some childhood memories are meant to be treasured and honored.
I feel this way about this particular memory, yet I feel so much more.
Just thought I would share it...

Witness to Crucifixion Link

Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. 1 Peter 1:22