In His Time

I bumped into a friend of mine at the bank today who had heard about what I was going through. He asked me how I was doing, then added “What’s it like living alone? Do you miss your kids? Does it feel lonely sometimes?”
I was tempted to tell him “Nah, I just like to beat my head against a pile of broken glass because I love it” This thought actually put a smile on my face despite the seriousness of the situation.

Up until that point in my life, I thought I was actually on my path to spiritual-discovery, but this moment only served to make me re-evaluate what I had been trying my darnedest to bury beneath the smiles and hard-work. Maybe I AM the kind of person who has to constantly have companionship to keep me sane. Maybe I really am lonelier than what I am letting myself on.
When I got home, I picked up my bible, closed my eyes, then let the pages open at the palm of my hand. The pages opened to Matthew 27. My line of sight landed on verse 46 at …“Eloi, Eloi, lama sabacthani”.

I paced the living room floor for a few minutes trying to tie this into the events from the past hour. Then, all at once, I felt the shroud of loneliness envelop me, blanketing me with searing emotions that emanated from the back of my neck, gaining strength as it covered my entire back before coursing down the rest of me.
All at once, I allowed the feeling to force its will into my thoughts and formulate a rationale that maybe I really was lonely.

That feeling was short-lived, however, as I realized my loneliness could never compare to the loneliest comment of all… “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

I suddenly realized, I never have to be lonely. Christ paid the ultimate price for me that day on the cross. He died a lonely death because he carried my sins with him. It occurred to me that the day of Jesus’ death may have been the loneliest moment in the bible as sin took hold of Jesus' body for the first time. How arrogant I must be to even dare think that the pain I feel in my heart when I think of Jesus’ death could ever compare to the loneliest moment in my life.

I know I’m not perfect – I have my own demons that I have to deal with. No one here on this earth is perfect either. We all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. That’s why I think that looking for companionship to cure the emptiness and loneliness in our lives will only leave us disillusioned. Other people are bound to let us down. They will eventually break our hearts and will fail us in so many ways.

BUT, if we keep our eyes on God and wait for Him to bring the miracle of healing into our lives… then, in His time, we’ll receive His best, according to His will.

By faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through him that has given this complete healing to him, as you can all see. Acts 3:16