Once again, I couldn't sleep, and to pass the time, I went out for my usual midnight drive.
The reason for this evening's insomnolence is my son Camden’s activities at Boy Scout last night. The troupe had performed various physical activities that, even though Camden participated, he couldn’t perform. Camden has a physical condition where his legs and left arm have “special needs.” During one of the activities called “elephant walk” Camden couldn’t quite get his left arm down on the floor even with his right arm.
When the “race” started, he would give up and fall in place to his side, saying “I’m a dead elephant” Crab walk wasn’t much fun either, but I sat myself next to him, attempting to “coach” the best way for him to do the walk. He tried, and each time he wanted to give up, it was all I could do to keep from wrapping my arms around him to tell him it’s okay, that I will always be there for him to pick him up when he’s down, whenever he needs help, that I wasn’t going anywhere. He managed to finish the race without further urging from me.
As the activities of the evening raced through my thoughts, Keith Urban came on the radio singing:
Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walking away
I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that being strong meant never losing your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain from my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry
Would it help if I turned a sad song on
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hiding this way
Cause I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that being strong meant never losing your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain from my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry
I want so much to see my family right now, the way I used to.
When I came home from my second job, I would watch my children sleep peacefully and wonder what they were dreaming. I always hated being away from them.
Now, when I go into their rooms, all I see are empty floors with four walls.
So I put my head down for a while. I’m gonna cry this off ; let the pain course through me before I’m strong enough to fall prostrate and pray to God to give me strength to make it through another gut-wrenching night.
Just like the song says, "it’s gonna hurt bad before it gets better."
May my cry come before you, O LORD; give me understanding according to your word. Psalm 119:169:
1 comment:
Dear Noel..Did you know that God has a bottle where he stores all of your tears and He alone knows what a heartache you have at this moment?
You are a good father and Jesus knows.
I know how hard it is for you to just encourage your son in his activities, and let him do things on his own.
I have a nephew, Betty's son, who has MD.
One time at the Sunday School picnic he was in a race with the rest of the kids in his class and when he lost although he had tried his hardest to WIN, he sort of put on a temper tantrum,or so I thought.
The Sunday School teacher did not think the same way.
She told me, "It is just so hard for Ryan.
He is NOT being a sore loser.
It is just that he wants to prove to everyone that he is a good runner and he is just so frustrated with the whole thing."
Noel, that dear teacher in the spur of the moment said.
"EVERBODY is a winner in this race.
You all gave it your best.
Come, now and get your prizes."
She was able to soothe the heart of a special needs boy. not in a condescending way toward him.
Ryan knew at the moment that he WAS a winner and all the hurt was gone!
God saw that teacher that day and she will surely be rewarded for her kindness....
I am praying for you, Noel....From Terry
PS I was thinking of you on my way to work today Noel.
I was thinking it would be a good thing if you wrote out those stories on paper that you have written on your other site.
They are such precious stories and you would not want to lose them if your computer ever crashed or if blogspot ever went out of business.
These stories are a part of your children's heritage and it is very important that they have them!
Post a Comment